Thursday, June 29, 2006

E: Hey

Ah, did you have to explain the rules of baseball to soccer boy?

Okay, if B&N works for you (I'm open to suggestions of something closer, just thought restaurants are usually too loud). Wanna meet around 6?

RE: Hey

Not what she was hoping for. Yes, I remember you telling me about the whole work timing thing. I'm sure you've got it under control. That's why you get the big bucks. We went to the afternoon baseball game (the office, I mean) today, also. It was alright. My friend's office went too, but unfortunately we didn't realize that we were both over there til after so I didn't get to see her.

That's fine. We can meet at Barnes and Noble.

RE: Hey

"What? Are you supposed to be done?" The key is to complete the work within (or over) the planned time. Actually, it is supposed to be pushed to qa next week. Sorry, I'm rambling.

We should meet if you still open to the article, I could really use the help. Plus, we can talk about other things as well. I understand if you'd rather not. If so, maybe a book store would provide a good setting to go over stuff and then chat or whatever. I'm open to suggestions.

RE: Hey

I'm sure they all said it's about time she was medicated, that crazy. Ann was nice to me because she was hoping for a big raise. What's going on with your work?

Have you made a decision about tomorrow?

RE: Hey

Well, you ARE the boss so you are supposed to be professional (or not). Besides, she would've been much more serious if you'd told her she sucks. Of course, she may have just been nice to you since your boss told the whole office that you are medicated.

RE: Hey

It went fine. I took it a lot more seriously than she did, which I will remember next time.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

RE: Hey

Thanks. Oh, how'd the employee review go?

RE: Hey

Hi,

Of course I hope the same thing for you. Yes, it's alright.

Hey

Hey, I hope your day is going well - or well enough.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

RE: RE: Your expertise

I'm sorry, I really have no idea what to do.

RE: RE: Your expertise

I didn't think it was all about avoiding me. I know you are super busy with your work and family. I'm trying to understand what is going on but it's hard in e-mail sometimes. The article is yours and of course it is up to you what you do with it. I'll help you with it if you have any desire for that.

You could e-mail it to me instead of meeting me if you want to.

RE: RE: Your expertise

It's only been a few days - a week since we last met. I do get busy with other things, everything isn't about avoiding you. I have a lot of things to do before leaving next Friday for ten days. Honestly, it is never my goal to hurt you.

Maybe the article thing isn't the best idea.

RE: RE: Your expertise

Not true. I don't feeel horrible around you. you can ignore me ad not even tell me what is going on until I explicitly ask what is going on. that feels horrible but doesn't seem to bother you.

RE: RE: Your expertise

I said I felt horrible (and helpless) last week - it was not a blanket statement. Rather, it seems that you feel horrible around me. I never said anything about stopping all communication. If I see you, you're upset, if I don't see you, you're upset. I don't know what to do, and it hurts to see you hurting.

RE: RE: Your expertise

Oh. I think that advice sucks. But I make you feel horrible. I'm wrong again. Oh well, you're doing a good job and soon you'll go to Europe for a week with her -- no contact. Thursday, we'll just talk about work. Do you want me to stop e-mailing and calling and trying to engage you in conversation?

RE: RE: Your expertise

Well, my behavior includes touching you and such as well as telling you how I feel. I know none of that helps either of us. I was helpless last week as you cried, there was nothing I could do - I felt horrible. I scheduled a therapist visit late last week, and the advice was to limit contact for awhile but I guess that has been standard advice. You know loads and loads, you know that.

RE: RE: Your expertise

Oh. I don't know what you mean when you say your behavior makes things worse. Explain please. I don't know that I always get upset. Do I always? Like I told you, it's hard to be rejected and I apparently have a thick skull that makes things sink in slowly. So, I don't know which is worse, you not wanting to be around me or you not wanting to be around me because you think it's for my own good. Rereading this, it's apparent that I don't know anything.

RE: RE: Your expertise

I'm sure you will.

I just finished one phone interview, he kind of debunked the whole article topic but I can't say I disagree.

Hmm, so many choices. I'm driving myself crazy trying to get things to a certain point for vacation next week. I was able to get a project here to a good point today, the project is looming, and the other folks are pestering me. That does result in my being tired and busy plus it creates distance between us. The distance may be a good thing since you seem to always get upset when we get together-and I know my behavior just makes things worse.

RE: RE: Your expertise

Yeah, we haven't had our meeting yet. I hope I can thrill her.

I'm okay.

I haven't heard much from you lately. Are you:
a) Tired
b) Busy
c) Asleep
d) Creating distance from me
e) Googling yourself
f) a and b
g) c and d
h) d and e
i) All of the above

RE: RE: Your expertise

I'm sure she was thrilled with your kind words.

Ah, it's okay, you?

Re: Re: A lesson in being careful what you wish for

I can tell, and whoa the blog is up-to-date. Why is that guy posting on the husband/wife team blog?

Chili's

RE: RE: Your expertise

Yes, they are wonderful. In this case, the raise process is completely separate, which is its own complication. I wonder if I'll ever get my review? I guess I better think up some wonderful things to say so the team keeps moving along. Thanks for your advice. :)

Are you having a good day?

RE: Your expertise

Ah, reviews are wonderful, because they usually have a lot to do with raises (right?). Well, I never paid any attention to them, but I wouldn't use myself as an example. I know my colleagues are all excited about them (again, think raises). Oh well, lay it on herand tell her how great she is and what a valuable team member she is, and, well a few things she can work to improve.

Your expertise

I'm okay. Kind of tired. Not much sleep last night. A lot of tossing and turning and roaming.

I'm going to give my first review at work today. I put it off for quite awhile. It's Ann's. I've been dreading it, so now I'm in denial about it. Annual reviews are such a bunch of crap anyway, right? I shouldn't freak out over it ... or SHOULD I???

Sunday, June 25, 2006

RE: Ouch

I'm sure y'all had loads of fun.

RE: Ouch

Hi,

Yes, my weekend is going well. Been busy. her and I went out tonight and she is staying over. We're having pillow fights, etc.

I'm sure you have a lot to do. Sorry about your stomach. Huh, seems like I've said that to you a lot.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Ouch

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13512149/?GT1=8211

I hope your weekend is going well. I should have never eaten the free food at work - stomach problems last night and all day today (I'm sure that is more than you wanted to know). Oh well, just thought I'd say hey.

Friday, June 23, 2006

RE: Seemed like a good idea to bring gun to prison...

I'm okay, always busy. What's the old saying about biting off more than you can chew?

How yuse doin?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

RE: Seemed like a good idea to bring gun to prison...

Mm hmm, indeed. How you doin'? Keeping busy?

RE: Seemed like a good idea to bring gun to prison...

Yeah, he needs to reread past blog posts about HIS yard.

RE: Seemed like a good idea to bring gun to prison...

Yeeeeaaaahhhh.

Ha, you see our buddy thinks his neighbor is a bit obsessed with his lawn. Pot calling the kettle black?

RE: Seemed like a good idea to bring gun to prison...

You don't want to know.

RE: Seemed like a good idea to bring gun to prison...

Ew, how DID he bring it in???

RE: Seemed like a good idea to bring gun to prison...

Yeah, and they wonder how the guard was able to bring a gun - uh, the same way he brought the drugs and other stuff??

Seemed like a good idea to bring gun to prison...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/06/22/fla.shooting/index.html

Turns out it wasn't.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Re: RE: Hey you

Yeah. I took the day off, which felt pretty good. Hope you had a good day.

RE: Hey you

I hope so, I really do.

RE: Hey you

Hm. My idea, so my mistake? Nah, I'm not particularly, but probably will be at some point.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Hey you

I guess dinner was a bad idea. I have no idea what to say, but I hope you are okay.

RE: What do you want?

That's entirely up to you. I feel a little weird with the shorts, so maybe I should avoid them.

What do you want?

Did you want to eat downtown at that new place? That is, should I get a table if I get there first, or just wait for you and we can check out the art and go elsewhere?

Monday, June 19, 2006

RE: Story

Hmm.

Oh, you're right, it was 6-9. She hooked up with a fellow prisoner that was really, really wet.

Ah, don't do it if you don't wanna. You do enough writing all day, plus helping the poor (and your boss) :)

RE: Story

No, you use it a lot. I'm blessed to have you as a guardian angel.

Ha ha, she did not! It was nine.

Crap, I can't write. I don't know what I'm doing. Plus, I can't write in their style, I don't think. Oh well, I'll just write it for you, if I can.

RE: Story

Hearing (or reading) that word a lot lately?

I don't like the stalker label, I like to use 'guardian angel'. They were talking about it (actually Googling yourself) at work, so I did a few people I know. Wow, did you know our friend served six months for possession?

RE: Story

There's that word again. Blessed. Hmm.

Good, if I have a stalker, I want it to be you. Yeah, I have, but not recently. Oh great, now I'm distracted.

RE: Story

He is blessed.

As usual (the stalking) - have you ever Google'd yourself?

RE: Story

It's not too well organized. The teacher really needs my help, I think.

You're welcome.

Um, you are stalking me? What a terrible picture.

RE: Story

Yes, that is good news that you are not in lockdown with them. So, was it better organized?

I'm not sure it is exciting, but thank you.

I found a pic of you on the net.

RE: Story

Hi,

Yes, it was fine. Last week and this week, by the way, I stayed in the classroom with the whole group and the teachers. I didn't go in the other room. So that should make you feel better. I hope.

Ooooo, what an exciting story! You're so good with dialogue. I'm working on mine...

Story

I hope you survived your night at Oz. I can breath easy for another week.

Okay, so I took a stab at the McSweeney's short story thing. Yeah, it's nothing like what they print, but ...

RE: Hi

There should be more pulling and touching. Yeah, I know. Anyway, you always make sense to me. You better get some sleep!

RE: Hi

I shouldn't be pulling on you and touching you the way I do. At this point, I don't think anything is anyone's fault. You shouldn't be thinking things are your fault. It's just that the time apart creates longing, and then the time together creates more, and touching your hand or arm creates even more.

It's interesting how we both feel we don't have much control. I'm so tied to you, I don't feel in control of myself. And I don't even know if I want to.
I'm sure that didn't make much sense.

RE: Hi

Why should you apologize? It's your fault that I want to kiss you? No, I don't think so. Well, I guess you could try to not be so sexy and cut, but I'm not sure that is possible. I still feel like I have no control - regardless of what you've told me (and I've thought about it a lot). We all control our own actions, but what about responses to other's actions? Okay, maybe that didn't make sense.

Well, I'm no intellectual either, but we can call ourselves that :)

RE: Hi

It's painful for me. I know, I'm trying not to kiss you either. You don't have to apologize. You made yourself clear.

Also interesting that people couldn't believe that it could have been written by a woman. Yes, thank you for giving it to me. I'm always interested in reading what you're reading or thinking about. I'm no intellectual, though.

RE: Hi

Hmm, I'm not sure I'd call it painful, but it is distracting. I try so hard to restrain myself and not try to kiss you. I'm sorry.

Why nervous? I wasn't expecting a certain response, just thought you might find it interesting. If not, it's okay. After all, I know so few intellectuals (I guess you're it). I assumed the "after passage" was referring to a specific part of the book.

RE: Hi

Yeah. There's tension and it's painful.

I read it. It makes me nervous when you say that -- I may get the answer wrong! I don't know. The use of the words the "after passage"? Never heard it called that before... Sounds silly.
Or this: "...erotic otherness, a quality legitimate relationships must sadly forgo."

RE: Hi

Did you read the article? There was a reason I thought you'd like it, but I can't remember (other than you being a smarty pants) - do you know?

RE: Hi

Yeah, life is full of surprises.

You know what you want and you have it. Try not to worry so much.

RE: Hi

OMG, that was quite a conversation. I'm speechless (on that subject). Wow.

Yes, that sounds good.

Getting what I want requires my knowing what I want, so I'm not sure that happened. But, the requisite card along with breakfast (and dinner last night) and everything else.

RE: Hi

I didn't talk to mom for long. I was going to, but apparently she ran off somewhere while I was talking to dad. Yes, I did tell him that and I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me. How about them apples? It was totally weird. I had talked to my brother before that and he had the same experience. Of course, then my dad freaked me out by completely forgetting that I've been working at the current place for two and a half years. Apparently, he has no recollection of it and then he started talking about some crazy stuff about work. Maybe he was just trying to make conversation, but it was a little worrisome.

She is doing well. She's ok physically. Hal's going to be in town for awhile, so he'll be with her (no traveling).

I'm okay. How are you? Did you have a good father's day? I hope you got another breakfast and gifts and whatever you wanted today.

RE: Hi

So, Mom is good? Did you wish dad happy Father's Day? How's your brother's girlfriend doing? Oh, and how are you?

RE: Hi

Good. My brother and his girlfriend are visiting my grandma. My parents are nuts, as usual, but the call went surprisingly well after I dreaded it all day.

RE: Hi

Good. My brother and his girlfriend are visiting my grandma. My parents are nuts, as usual, but the call went surprisingly well after I dreaded it all day.

RE: Hi

Wow, so how's the family?

Sunday, June 18, 2006

RE: Hi

Wow, I talked to my father and brother and mother today. Too much.

RE: Hi

They forgot to make it a la mode.

It's coming along well. Gotta go get more supplies, but I'll finish in a couple of weeks or so. Then I'll need more projects. ;) Or, that is, I'll need to get going on some that I should be working on.

RE: Hi

Yeah, who had the thought "this cheeseburger is good, but this bun could be better. Hey, h'bout I use a doughnut instead??"

So, how's your project coming along? Will the afghan be ready for winter?

RE: Hi

Yeah, who had the thought "this cheeseburger is good, but this bun could be better. Hey, h'bout I use a doughnut instead??"

So, how's your project coming along? Will the afghan be ready for winter?

RE: Hi

Ugh, sick.

Nah, she's not in the bear thing. That's being blamed on the other chick. ;)

RE: Hi

Or, fix a Luther Burger or Hamdog - http://texasburgerguy.blogspot.com/2005/05/luther-burger-and-hamdog-pictures.html. Gross.

So, did they blame what's her name for the teddy bear problems?

RE: Hi

Hm, I'm not sure. My neighbor doesn't have many fans, but she's not really in the group very deeply. She could be the next one. Or my other friend...there was a lot of talk about her after she left. Hmm. Oh, you're sweet, you really are. Thanks. :)

Yeah, you and her could have some good discussions. I'd pay to see that!

Yes, I should make a cake or something sweet. Or I could get some cheesecake or doughnuts. Or all of them!

Ah, you're a workaholic, you're addicted to workahol.

Ok, so you know the group that was making the teddy bears for the camp, and I was making the blanket? Well, they've messed up all the bear stuff and decided that it is too complicated and over their heads, so they're not making anything. Now I'm the only one making something! Sheesh.

RE: Hi

So, who is next to draw the ire of the group?? I'm sure there is nothing but positive remarks about you -- like, "I didn't think she could be more beautiful, but she is - I'm so jealous."

Join the red and the black club? It would be fun to argue with her, she's crazy.

You should bake a cake ;)

Oh, I forgot about the story, no - real work :(

RE: Hi

Well, you know, if she goes away, someone else will take her place. ;) Makes me wonder what is said about me when I'm not there... It is true that she creates so much conversation, it's unreal. I'll tell you more when I see you again. Be funnier that way. I kept thinking that you would have had some hilarious comments had you been there. Oh well.

The book club with her is -- probably just me and her now. The other girl is gone and can't get ahold of anybody else. Want to join???

There's nothing boring about cheesecake, in my opinion. It always excites me. The chef made this thing that wasn't a cake and everyone was pretty disappointed. I just really wanted some cake. But it was this whipped cream, fruit and Grand Marnier thing and it had so much alcohol in it it burned going down. I still need cake! I didn't get my fix. I did, however, get to relax in the hot tub before going home. Those foot jets are the best, Jerry, the best.

Working on your story? Or real work?

RE: Hi

She seems to bring the group together - since everybody hates her, so I wonder what happens when she is gone. Within my family, everybody hated my brother's wife (actually, pick a brother). Then, she wasn't there at the last gathering, and the common topic (her) was absent so everybody was kind of lost. Interesting. Also, maybe she'll calm down after the wedding?

Ah, now you are really accepted. Can you call it a book club if nobody reads the book? Oh well, at least it doesn't add more to your reading list. Whatever happened to the other book club?

I ended up eating at the Cheesecake Factory - didn't go until 10 so the crowds were gone. The food is okay, but they give you an enormous amount of food. The good thing is there is a piece of Godiva cheesecake waiting for me in the refrig. That's about it; I was in bed at midnight - so tired, since I only slept a couple hours Friday night. Yeah, I'm boring.

RE: Hi

It was good, thanks for asking. Yes, it was a success in that she was completely surprised and very happy. The organizer had a chef come and make us seafood paella so we had tons of good food.

But YES, we had so much trouble. She did her best to ruin the party, but in a way, she made it more fun because the whole dinner, every time she would say something outrageous, boring, insulting or idiotic, every person was rolling their eyes or mouthing something to someone or kicking each other or even making rude comments. I truly don't think she ever picked up on it -- because her fundamental problem is that she's so self-absorbed she doesn't pay attention to anyone else -- and we were being so horrible, but she asked for it. Then, after she and her husband left, we spent the rest of the night ripping her apart. It looks like soon, she's going to be "divorced" by everyone. It's just unbearable to be around Bridezilla, or her new name, "The Me Monster."

Oh, I got invited to join the book club. ;) But my friend prefaced it by saying that they never read the books anymore, so I think it's more just an excuse to get together. We'll see. I also think they pick silly books, anyway. This is the current pick:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0743281675/sr=8-1/qid=1150659071/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-7991651-0293630?%5Fencoding=UTF8

How was your evening?

RE: Hi

Thank you. Yeah, we covered the gamut of topics.

How was the surprise party? Was it really a surprise? Any troubles?

Hi

Hey there,

Happy F Day, you. Hope you have a good one. Thanks for meeting me yesterday. It was too fun. You bring up the most interesting topics for conversation. ;)

Saturday, June 17, 2006

RE: Action

I only talked to IT people, nobody seemed worried. I'm sure the floor people were all freaking out.

RE: Action

Yes, that is the best.

So, how was everyone at work after the news? Was it bad?

RE: Action

Hmm, I guess they are.

Nope, no need for a new truck. My truck and car are the best: paid for ;)

RE: Action

I love how they say every set is different.

Hm, are you wheels turning? You're thinking...I need a bigger truck!

RE: Action

Good lord, people will buy (and make) anything. Really, my truck is small and pretty blue so it may need a vagina hanging from it ... ha.

RE: Action

True, I could.

Get these for your truck.

http://www.bullsballs.com/real/big/truck/balls3.html

RE: Action

Well, you can add it!

Yeah, a bit of project work.

RE: Action

Ha, my friend and I call it goldmining, which I don't see on there.

You working?

Friday, June 16, 2006

RE: Action

Ha, and of course your bosses favorite - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nose+mining

RE: Action

Niiiice.

Oh, this is a good one:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Q-gasm

RE: Action

Yeah, good point.

Okay, I just learned a new term - dutch oven (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dutch+oven). No, I didn't learn it firsthand - tv reference.

RE: Action

I don't think I'd read it again and it certainly wasn't my favorite of hers, but I feel like I learn a lot about writing from her books. No fluff, just meat.

RE: Action

Was it a good read? It was fast-paced and easy, and I don't think I'd read it again. Oh well.

Action

Homes sure packs a lot of stuff into one book -- I just finished it. Didn't identify much with the character but a good read. :)

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Sunday, June 11, 2006

RE: Nothing special?

I appreciate the kind words, I can (and often have) say the same about you. Really, it was said in jest - but, then I was thinking (as with everything) about it later. Really, it's no big deal, but thank you.

Re: RE: Hey

Thanks, and I hope you won big (or a little is good too).

I'm sorry. I won't have much time tomorrow (it's Father's Day).

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Nothing special?

What crap. You are so special. Especially to me. It just burns me up to think of someone saying that to you, even jokingly. You're brilliant, kind, generous, passionate, funny, clever, hardworking, handsome, creative, warm, complicated, tender, sexy, a fantastic kisser... A special package.

Re: RE: Hey

Thanks, you too, okay? Maybe we can catch up tomorrow, if you have time.

Re: RE: Hey

Don't worry. Well, I'm outta here. Have a good day.

Re: RE: Hey

I will, I will. :)

Yes, I'm sure you are. I'm just a worrier and the less contact with you I have, the more I worry.

Re: RE: Hey

Now, you won't win with that attitude - be confidant, it'll scare'm!

Why worry about me? There's no reason to worry. I'm okay.

RE: Hey

I'll sure try to win, but I'm not too hopeful on that. Are you doing okay?

Lots of work to do today? I worry about you.

RE: Hey

That is good, because I don't think it could've been worse. Nothing exciting over here. Good luck tomorrow, wear your sunglasses and take all of their money.

Friday, June 9, 2006

Hey

The Little Women show was much better than (the first half of) the Little Women opera. Well, that is just my opinion. It had a comedic tone most of the time and the music was good. Maureen McGovern has an incredible voice. I guess I'm supposed to know who she is, but I don't recognize her. Anyway, hope you have been having a nice evening.

Thursday, June 8, 2006

RE: Librarians

I can see you filling these needs, but what about your guy? You may need to tutor him.

RE: Librarians

Librarians Rock.

I'd add:
Broaden your horizons.
Make you feel heard.
Help you cover your ass.

Librarians

Things a good librarian can help you do (from http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/departments/elementary/?article=Love_a_Librarian):

-- Save money.
-- Take care of your kids.
-- Find entertainment on Friday night.
-- Preserve your sanity.
-- Keep cool, literally and figuratively.

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

Two hours

Nap time. Pretty good, huh?

Well, hope you got some, or get some rest as well. I know you have a lot going on.

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

Although...... Oh well, never mind. ;)

Meeting cancelled? You should go get some rest. Just a suggestion, not an order.

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

Likewise ;)

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

Yes, you're a challenge, to be sure. Don't worry, I wouldn't dare. I'll leave that to some other brave soul.

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

I can take direction, but don't tell me what to do! ;)

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

You're good at taking direction. Thank you.

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

Oh, okay, you're not getting old. How's that?

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

That's good. Oh, honey, you're not getting old. (Then you say to me, oh you're not either!) :)

Wet, wet, wet out there. Good for sleeping.

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

It isn't supposed to be contagious, unless he and I swap spit (not going to happen). I think it is the lack of sleep catching up with me. Yes, getting old does suck. Oh, it's pouring rain!

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

Oh, now, please don't tell me you're getting mono. Because that would be very bad. Numbness seems ok. I'm sure I just imagined it. I am a nut, after all. Hands are cold now. Head hurts. It sucks getting old.

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

Yeah, I'm tired and achy, some sleep would help. How's the numbness?

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

My day is going okay. Kinda hard to focus, but I am trying my best. It's all I can do.

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

Not for a while, yes there is f$%*&ing 5:00 meeting every day this week.

How's your day?

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

Oh. :( Ah well, maybe you can get a nap in this afternoon? Catch up on more rest?

Got another 5:00 meeting today?

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

Ah, okay, I'm a little slow today :/

Re: Re: How to Sell Books

That's what I'm talking bout, Willis. Need to get my game face on.

Re: How to Sell Books

You can practice on Sunday.

Re: How to Sell Books

Hm, I'll have to work on my greetings and lines. Hooked in! This could be fun.

Re: How to Sell Books

So, you ready to be a salesperson?

How to Sell Books

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/07/books/review/07alford.html?ex=1149825600&en=a080ab39298d48f0&ei=5070

Instructive AND Funny!

RE: Wow

Oh, okay, then I'm no longer scared. You don't always scare me, but some times I'm easily distressed. Plus, I'm guilty of what I've complained about (and you didn't call me on it), since I'm taking your blog posts so seriously. I do worry about you.

An evening at a baseball game. That's about it.

Also, I'm sorry about rushing off the phone earlier. I had to spend 30 minutes listened to mindless rambling. Who schedules a 5:00 meeting?!?

Okay, I think I can do it tonight. I am so tired, I worry that I won't be able to do it (I know it sounds crazy). I'm going to give it a shot. I would use the couch, but the boy (doctor today - he has mono) lounged on it all day.

Talk to you tomorrow, now you get some sleep too!

RE: Wow

You do know the worst thing I ever did. It's not a secret from you. But I'm sorry if that post distressed you. I have to say I don't like that I scare you, apparently in more than one way. I guess there's not much I can do about that. Not the effect I want to have on you, but there it is.

Yes, it was good. I hope you have been having a good evening.

RE: Wow

No, I don't think so, but don't fret, I won't ask again. Everyone is entitled to their secrets.

I hope the time with the therapist was worthwhile.

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

RE: Wow

Calm down. The worst thing I ever did was scare you. ;) No worries.

Wow

Wow, your latest blog post scares the hell out of me. I can't say I know what it is (nor will I ever ask again), but your tone is frightening.

Initially, I typed the comment "I know what you did last summer", but then it lost all comedic value as I reread it. So, I posted something else.

Monday, June 5, 2006

RE: Thanks

But I have them nearby! I guess that is bad, but I don't know of any other way to handle it.

I can't explain it, just one of those things when I'm up - I can fly through books (and actually remember them). But then it is hard to focus on actual work - thoughts are flying. I do get work done, but in short bursts. Of course, there are other times (like last week) when I can't get past page one. Yeah, further proof of my many problems. I'm nowhere near Anne's husband (at least, I think not), but I often worry that it may get worse as I get older. Oh well, the best approach is to learn to live and deal with it. I was feeling down earlier, and I almost cancelled our getting together. I'm glad I didn't, because it was so nice to see and hear you. I have found that to be one thing I have to do - actually force or will myself to do things and not take the easy way out by avoiding any and everything.

I am tiring, so I'm going to try to sleep. I know I said (or typed) the same thing last night, but hopefully tonight goes better.

I hope the doctor and therapist visits go well tomorrow. Hang in there! There are lots of people that love and admire you, and plus now you know of a way to earn an extra $300 when/if you need it. I'm kidding ;)

RE: Thanks

Eh, I don't know if it's that valuable. Everybody and their dog is on drugs, it seems, so I guess I'll have to, too. You may be the only one not on them.

I did wonder how you read it so fast. I can't concentrate anymore, so I can't read much. Are you sure you're okay?

RE: Thanks

Well, I hope it is that simple, the world needs your smile :)

Ah, it is just one of those times - the ups and the downs. Now you know how I read that book so fast. I'm not trying to compete (with you feeling bad), I'll be okay tomorrow.

RE: Thanks

Oh, all I need is some good drugs and I'll be hunky-dory.

Why aren't you sleeping? Why aren't you focusing?

RE: Thanks

Yeah, those tests are something. You'll be okay :)

Well, I'm not really sure what I can or should say around you. I want you to be happy, and I think I'm one of the reasons you're not.

I can tell you about my psyche, I've been up all night and I'm having a hard time focusing. Life is fun ;)

RE: Thanks

I don't know. I guess she is helping. I have to go back there tomorrow, too.
She just really scared me, made me think about being depressed and then I think I got even more depressed because of that.

I don't know how to handle this, exactly, you're my best friend and I want to talk to you and have you listen to me, but it's so awkward now. I understand that it makes you uncomfortable. That's why I didn't really want to go into it.

RE: Thanks

No need to apologize (really). I just didn't want you to think I would say something like that.

I guess it seems odd, but yes I do understand. I felt weird, like you should talk about how you are feeling, but then I thought I probably wasn't the appropriate person to offer advice (more than one reason). I guess the therapist isn't helping?

RE: Thanks

Sorry. I'm sorry I misquoted you.

I feel scared and sad. I feel alone. I miss you, even when I was with you, if you can understand that. And I miss myself, I hate the way I feel.

RE: Thanks

Please stop it, stop acting like my time was some kind of gift. Nope, I wanted to see you as well. I love spending time with you, and you were not a downer. You seemed to have some things you wanted to say (or were thinking), but I didn't want to pressure you.

And, actually that wasn't what I said, I said that my brother need to grow up. I was referring to his infatuation with his current girlfriend and his seeming to think that the wife, kids, and all those bills would just go away. He needs to be an adult and deal with things, and I never said anything about "moving on". Nope, I never said that.

How are you feeling now?

RE: Dr.

See you at 5:45

RE: Dr.

Alright, how about we meet at the park then.

RE: Dr.

I'm not especially hungry, but we can eat if you are hungry. Just let me know. Otherwise, we can meet at the park? If not, just tell me where.

RE: Dr.

Alright, say, 5:45 then? Do you want to get something to eat somewhere? It really doesn't matter to me. Not making decisions very well right now.

RE: Dr.

No suggestion or preference, any time after 5:30 is good for me.

RE: Dr.

Okay, I have to go to a couple of meetings here in a second. Any suggestions/preferences on place and/or time? Whatever is fine with me.

RE: Dr.

That is good news. Well, not that it is something you have to do, but at least you called and made the appointment :)

I assume you're being silly with the "do you have time for me" question, but yeah just tell me what works best for you.

Dr.

I did call and make a dr.'s appointment for tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know and thank you for encouraging me. I'll see how it goes. Are we getting together today or something? Do you have time for me?

Saturday, June 3, 2006

RE: Neil says hello

Under advisement, okay :)

Well, okay, I know you are busy, so let me know when/if you are free.

Hope you are doing well.

Friday, June 2, 2006

RE: Neil says hello

Yeah, I'll look at it as having fucked-up wiring. I'll take what you've said under advisement. It may help, or I'll stop if it doesn't.

I guess I'll maybe see you some time next week. I really hope you have a good weekend. :) See? Smiling.

RE: Neil says hello

It has nothing to do with being weak, so don't think like that. Unfortunately, that seems to be the common perception, but you can't control your body and how it is wired (probably a better way to say that). I don't avoid my medication because of viewing it as weakness, but (in my case) they don't make me feel very good as well as some other side effects. Also, they never stop the really low points from coming. Maybe I just haven't found the right thing, but I've tried a lot. Of course, there are lots of people that take medication with no side effects and it really helps. I'm sure this will be true in your case, so give it a shot - you can always stop if not.

I was going to suggest lunch tomorrow, but you're busy with Kesha. We can get together maybe Monday or later next week. No worries, we'll see each other - as we always do. Who could have predicted my getting lots of work and you the life of the party (well, I could see that).

Smile, no really, SMILE :)

RE: Neil says hello

I just don't want to do it and I don't know why. I suppose you might know what I mean. I want to be okay, but I don't want to be weak. But it is not under my control anymore, if it ever was. No, I haven't told a lot of people. That was an overstatement. Just the therapist and Chris. And you.

Yes, you can always return to the doctor if you feel the need in any way. I hope you don't, but you never know. You have a lot of good stuff going for you, your family and everything. I'm sure that helps.

Thanks, well, maybe we can talk about it some time. You're busy, I'm busy, we don't talk on the phone, so I don't know when that'll be, but some time. I care about you too.

RE: Neil says hello

You guess? I'm sure you are and it is understandable (as well as resisting). You can give it a try and stop if you don't like it, it's all in your control. Everybody is on your case, so I guess you told quite a few people. Well, I won't "get on your case" anymore.

Yes, I'm not depressed today. I've had days where I've been really down. I try to remain focused on doing my everyday stuff - kind of willing myself through it some days, so we'll see how it goes. You're probably right in thinking that I'm crazy, but if I fail miserably at trying to keep it together - then I'll return to a doctor.

I care for you, I love you, so I'll certainly worry about your well-being. And, you haven't caused anything so STOP thinking it. I'm glad you told me about it (not glad that you are depressed), you can't hold everything in.

RE: Neil says hello

I guess I'm nervous about it, yes. I've been resisting it, but I can't do that for too much longer. Too many people are on my case about it. But I'll be fine.

I'm very glad you're not depressed. See, things are going well for you, that's great.

I just don't want you to worry, or I don't want to worry you. I feel bad about that and about everything, but I suppose there's no point in dwelling on those things. I feel weird telling anyone about the depression thing, so basically, I don't. Probably shouldn't have told you, either. I'm sorry.

RE: Neil says hello

What's the number? Go ahead and call! Are you nervous about it? It's okay, it'll be okay.

I'm okay, so I think I'm taking care of myself - just take it one day at a time. No, I'm not taking medication, but I'm not depressed (and you say, right now, and you're probably right), so we'll or I will see how it goes.

I guess you don't want me to or don't think I should worry about you, but I do and I will continue doing so (regardless of what you say).

RE: Neil says hello

You're one to talk. I know you're not taking care of yourself. I'll call the damned doctor. Don't worry about me, there's no need.

RE: Neil says hello

Ah, the test, so did you call the doctor? CALL the doctor! Call THE doctor!

I'm fine.

RE: Neil says hello

Yeah, and you don't answer questions (see below). Not exactly things I've told her, but I took this test or whatever. I'm supposed to call the doctor...

RE: Neil says hello

Oh, okay, hmm, you always put on a good face. If she is worried, I assume it is related to things you've told her, so there is a reason to be worried. Hmm, you're not worried? Well, I am! When are you supposed to go see a doctor about medication?

RE: Neil says hello

I'm okay, and I'll be fine, thanks. I'm seeing a new therapist and she is really worried, but I'll be fine. I don't know yet what I'll take, have to work that out. I suppose you're not taking your medication?

RE: Neil says hello

Oh, I'm sorry. How are you feeling today? now? Who told you that you need medication? What will you take (if you know)? I'm sorry, I hope you start feeling better or the medication works. Let me know if you want or need to talk.

RE: Neil says hello

The third one.

RE: Neil says hello

Sinus? Head cold? Depression? Pink Eye?

RE: Neil says hello

I won't.

Sick in the head.

RE: Neil says hello

Mmm.

Nope, sit it in the freezer, I'm near the breakroom so JUST TRY IT!!

Actually, the weekend was kind of planned for me and then there is work :-/

I'm sure you have plentyof things to choose from. You and her going to a gun show? army surplus store?

RE: Neil says hello

Watch it, don't take too much hair off. So, what kind of medication? What's wrong? Sick?

RE: Neil says hello

I'm sure you'll have a good weekend. I'll let her decide what she wants to do. And I'll have lots of work to do. Oh, and I'm getting my hair cut, can't forget that. Oh, and I have to go to the doctor. Apparently, I need to be medicated. So, I guess I have more going on than I was thinking. Clouded brain and all that, I forget stuff.

RE: Neil says hello

I know you didn't destroy them. ;) Or, if you did, you might get more to replace them one day, if you're lucky.

Yes, in the freezer is good too. Did you hide them so nobody will steal them while you're not looking?

I think I'm doing something with my buddy tomorrow, haven't decided what. I don't really have much else planned definitively. Sounds like you have a busy weekend planned, staying out of trouble.

RE: Neil says hello

Well, those things were too nice, so they had to be destroyed ;)

I put the Reese's in the freezer, give it ten minutes or so and they'll be good and cold.

I forgot, what's going on the rest of your weekend? Other parties? Shopping?

RE: Neil says hello

She doesn't know you very well. KIDDING. I know you've got some nice things I put in writing about you. You can print them out.

Yes, I've had several of the mini Reese's today. The best, Jerry, the best.

RE: Neil says hello

Shit, well, our friend sent me an email elling me how much of a good person I am (response to one of my blog posts.) I can print that and show it off, but it doesn't carry as much weight as something with your name on it.

Hhahahahaha, that is funny. Nothing like a Freudian slip.

Yes, yes I do, hmm, maybe I'll get
a Reese's Cup (or two).

RE: Neil says hello

No, I'm off the record.

It was in IM. There was a funny e-mail yesterday. Troy sent out a "She's leaving" message, and he had a typo that said she'd done a lot of us, instead done a lot FOR us. Well, somebody told him, and he sent out a correction, but he didnt' correct it, it was the same! Then he sent a third mail with the correction and various silly comments and then it totally got out of hand with the innuendos. It was inappropriate, but it was funny.

Yes, sir, it is indeed crunchy. Want some?

RE: Neil says hello

Really? Can I get that in writing and notarized? I'd like to show it to a few people ;)

Ooooh, was the secret invite via email?? If so, you should reply and cc your team or the whole company!!

Is it crunchy?

RE: Neil says hello

You're right a lot more than you think.

Well, some people do alright without me around, but yes, I got my invite, so the party can get started. Now, I should secretly invite someone, and then they secretly invite someone, and soon we have DRAMA!!!

I do have peanut butter. Always. You know me well.

RE: Neil says hello

I get lucky sometimes, or you let me be right occasionally to keep my spirits up.

A secret invitation, that is insane. But, of course, it isn't a party without you!

I'm sure you have some peanut butter somewhere around there.

RE: Neil says hello

So, you were right? I was wrong? How did that happen? ;) Oooh, I just got a "secret" invitation to Lori's thing. hahaha This is getting sillier and sillier.

Yes, vanilla and chocolate smell goooood. Now I just need a little peanut butter smeared on...

RE: Neil says hello

Ha, I guess those neighbor boys can be handy.

Or something? I always told you that people liked you and you always waved your hand and disagreed. Hmm.

Smelling good? A combination of vanilla lotion and chocolate candy?

RE: Neil says hello

Do what now? I can't hear you!

The neighbor boy is "cutting his grass" and "weeding the garden"?

Oh, you know, I'm in demand. Or something.

Hm, it smells good over here. Oh, wait, that's me.

RE: Neil says hello

As long as they mutter it low enough that I can't hear, I don't much care. And don't eat the last piece of candy, either!

But it was $2! $2!! You can't beat that, unless you find one for $1.

Which he probably could. I wish he'd stop posting about that tech crap, it just gets in the way. I wonder how his lawn's doing? Don't you?

RE: Neil said hello

You're so smart.

Oh, now they'll work less while muttering "look at her, brought all that chocolate and ate it all herself." You just can't win ;)

More drama about her party? People are insane.

Here's something, why didn't he go to one of the men's stores downtown and buy a tie?? Or, fergettaboutit.

RE: Neil said hello

It looks like he might be planning some more English essays soon, meanwhile, I'm learning Chinese.

I've eaten most of the chocolate myself, so they're not being rewarded that well. ;)

Hm, more drama has been promised in today's work saga...can't wait to find out what's going on now.

YES, I want to see that tie! I need to know what it looks like.

RE: Neil said hello

I guess he's fully converted to Chinese.

Wow, can't get much further away than that!

Hmm, you're rewarding them for shoddy work, so now they'll think it is unacceptable.

Well, she did ask. He is a riot. It would've been better if he had posted a pic of the tie.

RE: Neil said hello

Who knows.

I'm waiting for him to post some more good essays, but he better deliver soon!

Yes, she's moving to California. Kind of a sudden thing.

Or a treat so they will be good...I'm observing.

Oh, you're so sweet, you linked to our friend's fabulous blog. It's so goooood. I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED his tie story.

RE: Neil said hello

Yeah, what's with all the Chinese??

She is moving away too??

You brought candy for the team? Hmm, a treat, so I guess they've been good.

RE: Neil said hello

Yeah, and Alain de Botton keeps writing in fricking Chinese! Jerk. Oh, her team wants it to just be them, but they invited themselves to go where my friend was already meeting a friend, so that's weird, and She doesn't want to go because she's afraid she'll cry and she has to pack, and on and on. Actually, I don't think my team knows about it.

Work's going okay. Nothing too special. I brought chocolate to fortify myself and the team.

RE: Neil said hello

Yeah, nobody wants to read that crap.

Oh, it's a work thing. The rest of your crew going or just you? So, her team wants to be alone? The other thing is in good shape for now, need some more info from them.

How's your work going?

RE: Neil says hello

Yeah, I saw that he had veered from his focus and for the Da Vinci code?!

Yuck. No, this isn't my group. It's supposed to be a thing for my friend, who's leaving here. But there's weirdness.

Did you finish your project, or get as far as you wanted to with it, at least?

RE: Neil says hello

Uh oh, that guy's block (the both sides) has something about the Davinci Code -crap, he should've stuck to the stuff about his lady- I've now lost interest.

What does "one of the teams" mean? The pinkies have been divided into teams?

RE: Neil says hello

They better do both sides at the same time!

There's some drama about the party tonight...not sure what's going on.

She doesn't want it, and she's the guest of honor, and one of the teams wants it to just be them. I don't know, it's weird. I'm staying out of it.

RE: Neil says hello

There's he is on the left and the other on the right. I wonder if you can do both sides at the same time?

Ready for tonight's party?

RE: Neil says hello

What the? You're right, it's on my chest! No wonder...

Vibe, schmibe, they just want me to pay for dinner. ;)

RE: Neil says hello

Rumors?

Could it be all the women following you around? All of your 'dates'? ;)

RE: Neil says hello

No, they put it on your chest (where everybody would see it). Plus, you have that vibe going.

RE: Neil says hello

I think it was the day that someone stuck a piece of paper on my back that said BIG LESBIAN.

RE: Neil says hello

Either he's too old, or I'm too young. That sounds nicer. Yeah, apparently there are rumors going around about me. Iwonder how that got started?

RE: Neil says hello

Is he too old? Well, he thought that too (lesbian) after reading the girl/date post.

RE: Neil says hello

I think he's too old for me. Plus, I'm a big lesbian.

Eh, he must be an idiot, then.

RE: Neil says hello

I already did!!

He said the writing on your blog is wonderful.

RE: Neil says hello

Shall I send him a picture, too?

RE: Neil says hello

Yes,that'd make him happy. I told him about the hair, eyes, intelligence - the whole package :)

RE: Neil says hello

I didn't know it was that kind of reading! I can send him more of that kind of stuff, if he needs it.

RE: Neil says hello

Oh, okay, he'll be disappointed. I had sent him your ice story, he is intrigued.

RE: Neil says hello

Nut.

Tell him I can't make it after all. I'm all booked up!

Neil says hello

He wants to know what time you'll be there tonight for your reading.