RE: Everything and nothing

Yes, everything still matters. If you're feeling down, it's going to get better. Like the other times.

I'm not sorry I fell in love with you. I'm sorry for the way things worked out, and all the pain, but I've tried to make the best of it. It's difficult to see you because I still want you, but I've learned that that is something I need to keep to myself. I try not to think about it. Sometimes, I'm successful, sometimes I'm not. It hurts to think that you've reached the point where you want me physically, but that's it. I think about holding you and helping you try to relax. You used to say that I did that for you. I do think about sex, too. I don't think of it as having been a failure. I just regret that we didn't share more of it. I think it would have been special.
But it wasn't meant to be.

I know it has to be so difficult at home right now. But I still think you can work it out. I'll never forget the look on your face at the skate park when I asked you about her not wanting to be around you and whether you wanted to be around her. It was all right there.

I've been up (again) for awhile. Going to try to lie down again.