Silly story

I wrote this silly thing while I was out of town - it is partly true.

God, [he] is so subtle -- S stands for [his wife]. He has no future as a spy. Here are two things from his blog that crack me up:

"I also have a non-English speaking maid coming over Saturday and the place can't be in shambles."

- and -

"I told her that, while neither of us is exclusively dating the other, I didn't really want to waste my time with the other girls while she's here. She said I'm more than welcome to date anybody I want but I think she liked hearing that I just wanted to hang out with her."

Can he take the hint with that last tidbit? She's using him! And, he thought he was the player.

Geez, I still have the feeling that I need to get a life :(
Here is the story ...

Questionable Beauty

If you ever asked her, she'd swear it never happened. My grandmother died around the same time, so the memory is vivid. We were co-workers at a local telemarketing firm. Becky was a gorgeous woman. A cliché may help: she weakened a man's knees with her mere presence.

I assisted her with training a batch of new employees. We exchanged playful banter during the sessions. Up until that moment I had never had the opportunity to work so closely with her. A few of the trainees made comments assuming we were an item. Given her beauty, I was flattered. I am not sure if she was aware of this chatter.

The training class consumed the entire week. We found ourselves working late on Friday to complete some necessary paperwork. The dinner suggestion came from her. I was surprised as you would be. Up to that point, I'd never been invited anywhere by a lady. Additionally, dinner conversations were a common occurrence for her to receive. I tried to remain calm upon accepting the invitation.

We agreed on a local eatery called Rocky's – a pizza joint that served basic Italian fare. I remember it well. It couldn't compete with the larger chains that invaded the area. I closed a few years later. It wasn't a common hangout for co-workers, so she may have chose it for secrecy since the odds of being spotted with me were virtually non-existent. As a result, I have no witnesses to the evening.

We took separate cars to Rocky's, meeting in the parking lot. Initially, the conversation was stiff while focusing on work-related issues. She loosened a bit with a few beers in her system as the conversation overflowed to more personal issues. Enough information was shared for me to prove the conversations did occur. While I reveal some of these nuggets here, I never relayed anything in the office.

I can tell you that her parents divorced when she was ten years old. She lived with her mother after the divorce. In fact, she was still with her mother when our paths crossed. She continued to divulge various details of her personal life. I was surprised to learn that she had been engaged with her fiancé breaking it off. I couldn't fathom a man rejecting her. It was definitely a sensitive issue, tears traveled down her cheeks as she shared the story. Crying was virtually non-existent in my family, so I clearly remember my discomfort with her tears.

I felt so much like a little kid as she revealed the more interesting aspects of her life, because I had so little to share. At that point in my life, my biggest disappointments had been my parent's divorce and a World Series loss by a favorite team. I guess the better way to explain it is she was much more experienced.

This was a surprise given her reverence at work. Guys were often speechless in her presence. She was considered a dainty goddess without worries. I tried to match her stories that night, but I had very little to work with. Rocky's emptied as the night progressed with the conversation grazing a few bawdy topics. We ventured into a truth-or-dare type of game often played by those flirting with a new person.

Virginity was a subject that I think she raised, but I wouldn't testify to it. I can tell you she lost hers at the age of seventeen to her boyfriend. The strange part is that I remember his name since it coincided with my favorite baseball player: Lenny. The human mind is definitely a mysterious blob. I can't explain the memory, but I did envy him.

I regretted what I shared when it was my turn. I should've chosen dare over truth, but she would never have let it slide once her secrets were revealed. It isn't hard to tell the truth when there is actually something, but it can be painful when there is nothing. In the end, I finally revealed the fact that I had no experience.

I clearly remember her stunned face as the words escaped my mouth. She brushed back her golden hair with one sweep of her left hand while leaning in for more details. Her steel blue eyes tightened as I spoke seemingly trying to spot any trace of a lie. After a few minutes she relaxed and leaned back while finishing off her beer. She removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes as I reaffirmed my statement in response to her disbelief.

For the first time, I noticed the freckles sprinkled across the bridge of her nose. I counted the small brown dots as she motioned for the bill. I remember reaching twenty before the glasses were returned to her face. I wanted to pay the whole check, but my financial situation did not permit it. I deposited enough money to cover my portion of the evening as she assured me she was okay to drive. A wide grin formed on my face as I watched her drive away.

Our relationship returned to normal upon returning to work the following Monday. The closeness provided by the training class was no longer available, so I had very few chances to be with her. I assumed the pizza dinner was an isolated moment, so I pursued it no further. Also, I figured my lack of experience probably spooked her. I considered myself lucky to have had the chance to spend time with her. With that said, I was stunned when she invited me to her house the following Thursday. She provided directions as we planned to meet after work.

I found it hard to concentrate on Thursday with our apparent date looming ahead. My body buzzed as I followed her flawless directions. Her mother was out of town on vacation, so she was home alone. She gave me a quick tour of the home and my heart skipped a beat as she showed me her bedroom. We ordered a pizza and settled on the couch to watch a movie. I firmly remember watching Friday the 13th Part 3. Now, people that know me would call me on this point given my aversion to horror films, but I would have watched anything with her.

Her physical appearance was striking that evening. Shorts and a baggy t-shirt replaced her usual well-groomed business attire. I was excited by her bare legs. She fixed herself a margarita as I paid the pizza man. She was perturbed when I settled for a soda, and I stammered through an explanation of my being a non-drinker. We sat, talking, and watched television the next few hours. She consumed a few drinks during that time. She was neither drunk nor sober, yet she was happy.

This is the point of the story where a disagreement would occur is she didn't deny the events ever happened. I may have been a novice at that moment, but the next thing to happen was her leaning over and kissing me.

The beautiful face that had been admired for so long was now within inches of mine and the beauty began to vanish. She removed the glasses I liked so much. She pushed her hair back and leaned in to reveal a face heavily laden with make-up and eyes that appeared to be crossed. I wasn't sure which eye to use. The freckles lost their charm, and the sour alcohol-laden breath was repulsive. I kissed her briefly while escaping the embrace.

The façade seemed to break away as I noticed the scrawny legs and the dark roots of her so unnatural blonde hair. The conversation became annoying. I wanted to flee the house as soon as possible. I did not want to hurt her feelings, but I now know this impossible when a woman's advances are not warmly received or reciprocated.

Confusion reigned as I prepared to depart. I concocted a lame excuse related to my mother, but the complete lie slips my mind. She escorted me to the driveway gate gently opening the cage so I could escape. She lingered at the fence in a stance that I now know was expecting a goodnight kiss. We exchanged good-byes as I returned to the safety of my car. It was an unreliable Volkswagen Beetle, so I prayed for it to start without a hitch before turning the key. Relief swelled inside me as the familiar chatter of its engine sounded. She remained standing at the fence as I rolled backwards. I now imagine shock on her face, but I wouldn't testify under oath. If I had a bigger ego, I'd say she cried herself to sleep that night but I know better.

I didn't see her again until the following week at work. An office gathering had been planned for the following Friday at a local billiard's club. I asked Diana from our training class to accompany me. I had been talking with her more since the class had ended. I had to convince her that there was nothing between Becky and myself before she would agree to go. I remember nervously anticipating my first date with her.

Trouble ensued when we arrived Friday night. Diana and I were walking hand-in-hand as I felt Becky's cold stare from across the room. She waited until Diana took a bathroom break to confront me. Evidently, she had the impression that we were meeting that night – an apparent date. Now, I was shocked. I scanned my mind for these plans, but I could only remember Becky asking if I was going as we passed in the hall the previous Wednesday.

I started to apologize for the misunderstanding, but anger filled my body as she wouldn't back down. Words that I now regret were exchanged. To this day, I can't recall Becky or myself ever asking each other about that night. Sadly, it was the last time we ever spoke. I changed jobs weeks later.

A few years later I ran into Becky during lunch at a downtown deli. Diana and I had been married a year at that point, and we had met for lunch. I noticed a lady slowly pass our table a few times, and I immediately recognized her as I got a good look during the third pass. I informed Diana, but she was not convinced. We tracked her down after finishing our lunch, but she feigned ignorance when we approached. I raised the issue of the time spent at her house, but she vehemently denied it stating I was mistaken. She removed her glasses as she spoke and I began counting the familiar dots again, knowing I was correct. I've never been able to explain or understand her behavior that day.

By chance, I read her obituary in Sunday's newspaper. I was surprised to learn she lived in our neighborhood only three blocks away. I passed the house on the way to the funeral home expecting her to be standing at the driveway gate. The wake was filled with mourners, but the faces were all foreign to me. I introduced myself to the widower as a former co-worker. I praised her as he smiled and thanked me for coming. He was her fourth husband. I found it interesting that she never had kids, because she talked at great length about kids that night at her house. She was thirty-two when she died from liver disease brought on by heavy drinking.

It was odd to see her familiar face in that coffin that day. I half-expected her to rise up, point in my direction and announce that I shouldn't be there. I felt like apologizing, but I couldn't think of a valid reason. Although I hadn't seen her in years, she had the same physical appearance. The funeral home did a great job, because I could barely see the dots. To this day, I'll never know what such a woman saw in me or what I did to her.