Yeah, lots of questions, and it seems we always slip backwards after we settle on anything. I was so nervous last night, because what I was doing was wrong (against everything I had recently said). It really hit me last night. I never thought my mind would win an argument with my body, but it did - and it always will. How could I be with such a beautiful and special woman and be thinking of my family? There just can't be anything physical, and I know it has all been my fault. I know you're going to eventually hate me. The guilt has been a bit overwhelming lately. What we are and have been doing is wrong, I know we both know it deep down, but that doesn't help. Why would you ever wait for me to make any decision? You deserve so much better than that - you deserve the world. I love you, but I realize that it will never happen, because I love my wife and I always will. It scares me to think of her realizing some of the things I've done lately, she'd walk away and hate me forever. That would be devastating, but it is what I deserve. I feel like I should tell her the rest of the story, but I don't have the nerve. I've thought that you would call or visit or do whatever to reveal everything and that scares me too. I'm not sure how you feel about your side of the situation, so you may disagree. I've wanted to ask, but (as you said) we haven't seen each other that much lately.
I know we said we didn't want to say these things in email, but then you sent your questions. Let me know if you want to get together after work tomorrow and we can talk face-to-face.
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