I can still see all of your wonderful qualities. That's why I'm hurting. I could see you hurting last night and I wanted to take back what I said or figure out some other way. Or at least give you a hug, but maybe that wouldn't have helped. I just didn't know what to do.
When I said that I really was pretty calm the last couple of days, it was true. And that told me that I was on a path. Doing what I wanted. Avoiding thinking about consequences. I was so close to ... I don't know, something.
Now I feel like I've selfishly hurt my best friend, who I'll probably lose now. If I'd behaved differently, it would have been better. One thing I'm wishing, almost praying, for is that we will laugh together again. Over anything at all.
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