RE: Shaky

You shouldn't think of it as a weakness. If there's a weakness, it's the way my family has drifted apart and will probably remain that way. Living so far away from one another makes it easier to do, but if we really wanted to be a close family, we could be. But most of us don't want that. It's too painful.

And it's gone on that way for so long, it won't change, I don't think.

Yes, it can be hard to get you to talk about certain topics, especially lately. You used to, but not now. I was interpreting that as part of the "it is what it is and no more," but I'm probably wrong, as usual. I just needed to let you know that I'm scared because it's such a relief to have you close
to me. I can breathe again. But it also feels terrible because I'm married. And you have her. And I guess it's going to stay that way. And if I lose you again, I don't know if I can handle it.

I know you're always thinking. That's what I love about you. You're too damned smart.