RE: Thoughts

You are far from the typical woman or any woman I've ever known. I've said a lot, but I guess I've done a bad job detailing my relationship with [him]. Maybe I'm wrong about the whole thing. I know how I felt when my dad left us, and I just don't want him feeling that way about me - not yet. It isn't the typical father/son scenario - things would change drastically with a split. No, she didn't use him against me.

I'm sorry, I'm not the best at expressing my emotions, so my reactions never seem to match your expectations, but you're wrong about my not being upset about your absence - that is far from the truth. I felt sick as I approached your door today, because I knew this would be your response. I was surprised when you questioned my intentions - asking if I was playing you. It wasn't the first time you've said it - it reveals a lot about what you think of me. This past weekend as I felt like my insides would explode - that was no game, all the time we've spent together was no game, my love for you is no game, the pain I've caused you and [her] is no game, but I can't seem to convince you otherwise. I'm sure today didn't help, so I'm sorry.

I know you don't like me saying it, but I understand your decision. I don't like it, but I understand it. I'll keep my distance.