RE: Hey Mister

I'm an idiot again, I'm in the office .. finally figured out a problem and have to deliver it (requires office visit). Anyway, I did finally eat something today .. went to McDonald's with guy over here. Funny, I guess this weird feeling keeps me from getting hungry?

No, you should be getting some sleep and NOT drinking!

RE: Hey Mister

Weeellllll, yeah, I am pretty great. ;) Or maybe they were just hungry and wanted to sleep on my pillow. Either way.

Get some sleep tonight!

RE: Hey Mister

How could they not be excited to see you?

RE: Hey Mister

It was great to see you too and you're right, the traffic was ugly. But the dogs are still cute. ;)

I inspire you? That sounds like a positive thing. Glad I could be of service. :)

Hey mister

I'm sure you had to suffer through some crazy traffic, but as always it was great to see you. I don't think the dogs were any more excited to see you than I was (you just couldn't see my tale wagging). You inspire me in so many ways ;)

RE: what part goes numb first?

I have no idea where that is...

RE: what part goes numb first?

Hey, I'm leaving. Want to meet me at the Borders? Half an hour?

RE: what part goes numb first?

Alrighty, let me know.

RE: what part goes numb first?

Still looking good. I might be out of here within an hour.

RE: what part goes numb first?

Roger that.

RE: what part goes numb first?

Okay, things are actually looking really good. I should know more soon. :)

RE: what part goes numb first?

I'm trying to figure out how best to work the system. I have to finish a significant amount of work still. Then I have to go get the dogs. I couldn't get them into the place near my house, so I have to drive way out to the east end. I was thinking maybe we could meet for a coke on my way out there or something this afternoon. I can't be sure of the time yet, though.

Is that a good idea? Or a bad idea?

RE: what part goes numb first?

Never a bad idea when I have the opportunity to see you.

Let me know when/if you have an idea of where/time.

RE: what part goes numb first?

Yeah, it is nice.

My day is okay, it looks good, what are you thinking?

RE: what part goes numb first?

I'm glad.

What's your day look like? Are you buried?

RE: what part goes numb first?

Yeah, I'm still good at it. Us M&M's gotta protect ourselves! I've grown to trust you.

RE: what part goes numb first?

I'll be careful. But on second thought, I think you're still pretty good at it. I guess you can start and stop, depending on whether I'm around. ;

No, don't stop.

RE: what part goes numb first?

Yeah, I've let my guard down around you - you've ventured inside my fortress. Be careful! ;)

I guess I should stop sending emails and let you work.

RE: what part goes numb first?

I guess I don't hide a lot of things well. Only a few things. You're better at it, I think. Or you were. ;)

I need to get that Star Wars stuff out of my head. People keep bringing it up. Grrr

RE: what part goes numb first?

I've found such behavior hard to hide.

Yoda? You and your Star Wars references.

RE: what part goes numb first?

Yes, I really must learn how to hide that. But it weeds out the people I don't want around -- the ones who can't appreciate it.

I think she said she's 41. He's as old as Yoda.

RE: what part goes numb first?

Uhm, honestly, it doesn't take too long to realize that you are nuts.

She is in her forties? She's almost as old as my boss!

RE: what part goes numb first?

It made me happy that she did it and it also made me happy that she thought it might piss me off. Cause I'm crazy like that. I guess she's observed me a bit as well?

She also just said I must be at least 10 years younger than her. I guess I haven't told her how old I am. But she's putting me at 31 or younger? I think I'll just go with it. ;)

RE: what part goes numb first?

Yeah, having other options does change a person's outlook ;)

OMG, that is hilarious, thank her for providing me a good laugh. So, I'm assuming it made you happy?

RE: what part goes numb first?

Maybe this is the thing that will push you over the edge to quit, since you were already thinking of it. Especially if you're not getting the kind of response you should. Having other job options changes the whole dynamic.

I did thank her. You'll think this is funny. She said she asked my manager if doing some extra work would make me happy or piss me off. ;)

RE: what part goes numb first?

Ah, I forgot you are the boss. Did you thank your employer for her hard work?

I'm okay, but I've been in a mini argument with my manager over our current project. As I previously told you, I worked all weekend and I've been a bit upset over the specs (very vague) and I think today's delivery date is not realistic. It may seem like I've waited until the last minute to say this, but I just received the specs late last week .... Oh well, that is probably much more than you wanted to know :) I'm tempted to quit.

RE: what part goes numb first?

Yeah, I had to make sure some things were going okay after taking a day off.

I'm doing pretty well. How are you doing?

RE: what part goes numb first?

It is always fun observing you :)

Wow, you are always up so early. How are you doing today?

RE: what part goes numb first?

Ok, that is good to hear. It just gave me a funny feeling when you described observing my emotional pattern.

RE: Sound at all familiar?

Speak for yourself! The combination of liquor and pills are doing the trick for me ... Just joking.

Our state or something different?

You know, IM would be better, but I'm not sure you have it at home.

RE: Sound at all familiar?

We're a mess.

Yes, there's too much going through my head. Way too much. For one thing, I had some dreams that had me in a state when I woke up. Much like the state I'm in right now.

RE: Sound at all familiar?

Yeah, and do I admit that I've been sitting here all day waiting for an email? Or, that I checked all flights? Just joking ;)

Yeah, I got excited when I saw you email so I guess we're in the same boat.

Anything else exciting racing through your pretty head?

RE: Sound at all familiar?

I'm just the teensiest bit nervous about indicating how excited I got when I saw your reply, and how I then wondered if you quickly sent it and then went off to do something else. And how I thought if you HADN'T done that, that we might be e-mailing for quite awhile. And how I thought about calling you.
You know, no big deal. ;)

RE: Sound at all familiar?

You're a nut (a good one). What are you nervous about saying?

Hmmm, good weather we're having :D

RE: Sound at all familiar?

Because I'd be nervous about saying it. About saying it in the proper tone of voice.

What shall we talk about?

RE: Sound at all familiar?

Why would you be stammering?

Nope, I never turn down an opportunity to talk to you.

Sound at all familiar?

Oh, I'm sorry you're still working.

I did think about lying down, but that was before I knew you were online.
Hmm, funny. If I were talking, I'd stammer through that, but in e-mail -- it's just right there in black and white.

If you need to focus on your work, and not be interrupted, let me know. I'm sure you want to get it done.

RE: Insomnolence

Okay.

RE: Insomnolence

Ok. I should run down to the office for a bit. Want to meet me at the pub at noon?

RE: Insomnolence

Wow.

Where are you?

RE: Insomnolence

It's up to you.

RE: Insomnolence

How about woebegone? Okay, maybe that isn't funny.

I guess lunch is a bad idea?

RE: Insomnolence

That's good.

I didn't know that word, insomnolence, by the way. :) Learn something everyday.

RE: Insomnolence

Yeah, I did get some sleep.

RE: Insomnolence

God, you didn't sleep, did you?

I didn't get as much work done as I had planned, I did fall asleep. Oh well.

RE: Priorities

Lord, I hope you are asleep now.

Uncle is doing better, it was a nice visit.

Priorities

Hi,
Hope you're having a good evening. I came home and got my early drunk on.
Now I'm workin'. Seemed like the best strategy. :)

How are your uncle and aunt?

RE: It's okay

And no drinking!

RE: Also

Oh, sorry to hear about the work. Get her ass in gear!

We can talk about it some time, but I don't see anything changing. I understand your hesitation and I'm not angry or upset with you, but a break is probably the best way to go.

RE: It's okay

No, I don't feel okay at all but if you say so, then maybe I will be.

RE: Also

I'm sorry -- I'm having a hellish day at work and I'm having a hard time devoting my mind to this as I want to.

Last night, I wanted to see if I could relax and let go of fear/nervousness with you. And I did for that moment. But I can't sustain it. You and I both know I'm having an internal struggle. A selfish one. This is so hard to explain in e-mail and I wish I could have some privacy and peace here. I'm not saying I want you to go away. I don't, but that might not be my decision. Are you saying you are not going to be able to see me?

It's okay

Hey,

I'm hoping you are okay (my ego is getting the best of me). Anyway, everything will be okay, we'll be fine.

If you are okay and not worried, then disregard this message.

RE: Also

I wanted to see if I could let go, and if so, what it would feel like. And I think I did. But what I want and what I can do are not the same thing. I guess I'm getting the message that that is not true for you. So I need to rein in the feelings that are making me see-saw back and forth.

RE: Also

Honestly, I usually do what I want so that isn't an issue. But, I appreciate your permission :D (note the sarcasm?).

I can't remember ever feeling like this, and what I want is more of tonight. It was overwhelming, and it kinda rattled me as I felt myself let go during that short time. It was an awesome feeling that was quickly smashed as we pulled away from each other. I think we both are confused, but I can't take a Jekyll & Hyde routine. Can you tell me what you want?

It isn't a big issue, but what was the real explanation for tonight?

RE: Also

It's not that I don't trust you. I know that I am confused and acting inconsistently. I'm sorry and I guess that's why I wanted to say that I want you to do what you want to do. You say you know what you want. Can you just indulge me and say what that is at this point? Do you mean you want us to hang out and cut out all this other stuff? I don't want to drive you away -- but, again, I understand if you want to call it quits.

RE: Also

I have enough problems walking in my own shoes ;

I do have to account for my whereabouts or I volunteer the information, and I really don't want to start screwing around with any and everything. You seem to take everything I say as reality - sometimes I'm just talking. I guess you still don't trust me.

I know what I want, and I thought I understood what you wanted as well. But then, there's a moment like last night when I'm totally blown away. This is followed by an email saying stay away. I'm beginning to see a pattern, but I could be wrong. You are beautiful in every way imaginable, but I'm not sure I can emotionally survive these cycles. So, maybe we should just call it quits.

RE: Also

No, that is not the explanation. That's additional. But I did read it, and I did have a reaction. It made me think maybe you wanted to step back. Or that maybe both of us should put ourselves in others' shoes. Or maybe I should put myself in others' shoes and you should go run around with some girls.
Like you said, you have the opportunities and you don't have to account for your whereabouts.

I just want to make sure you do what you want to do.

RE: Also

So, that is the explanation for canceling tonight? Hmm, it sounds like you're freaking out again but okay.

All is well.

This week, I could probably go to lunch Thursday. I'm going out of town Friday and I get back Monday.

After reading the rest of your story, I thought maybe you'd like to take a break and step back. There's a whole lot of emotion coming out in the end of that story. You know what I mean?

RE: Final version - maybe

I felt so silly telling you about it earlier, but it really did upset me. It was like I instantly began hating the character. The story progresses as he slowly comes unraveled - his house of cards collapsing as he loses control. The thought was for her to leave and it end with him all alone, but my mind had other ideas.

The cop had been involved in various aspects of their lives - helping them both. The thinking is she really wanted him, thus helping/pushing him to plan the wife's demise. I know, I know, it is really dumb. It's crazy for me to think I could ever really write anything.

RE: Also

I understand, I hope all is well.

Now I'm thinking I should invite you to lunch or ask what day you'll be available, but that probably isn't right -- oops, I already did.

Final version - maybe

Okay, I've sent you the final story. Funny, I did write it one way but deleted and went a different way.

Chapters 40 and on are new. Also, 28 is new. I made some other small changes/corrections.

Oh well, I think it is finished so I can trash it.

RE: Final version - maybe

I read it. I guess I can see now why you were saying you freaked yourself out; the sex and violence were pretty strong. But I got a bit confused at the end. What was the cop doing? Why was she involved? Anyway, thanks for giving it to me. I'm amazed at how you can write so much so quickly, with such good dialogue.

RE: Also

You won't be getting that e-mail. But... I don't think I'll be able to go to the thing tomorrow night. I'm sorry, I'll explain later.

I had a great time, too. A really great time.

Also

Hey, I had a great time tonight. You certainly blew me away.

Of course, I'm waiting for your email to tell me to stay away.

RE: You make it?

Alrighty, I'll see you at 5:30.

RE: You make it?

ok, 5:30 is good.

I don't remember Sarah doing that, but I believe it.

Chris dropped me off this morning.

RE: You make it?

Nah, although this is funny, do you remember my old boss calling in for a personal day because she couldn't get her car out of the garage (power failure)? So, how did you get to work?

No, YOU say what time :)

5:30, 6:00, or anytime between.

RE: You make it?

Well, I'm dumb.
I'll leave any time. You say what time.

RE: You make it?

Uhm, there's a way to override the door and operate it manually. Usually a string hangs down that you pull, so you can raise/lower the door by hand. But, yes I'll give you a ride. What time shall I arrive?

RE: You make it?

Barely -- oh my head! Nah, I made it okay. But, I don't have a car today. We had an electrical problem at home so the garage door wouldn't open, so one car is held hostage. Can you give a girl a ride to the library?

You make it?

You make it to work okay?

RE: I like this

Okay, I'll stop. You know I always follow your instructions.

RE: I like this

I know, I know. It's so hard to trust. And I'm not saying there are not things inside me that have never come out. There are. It's a process. I wish you'd stop worrying about freaking me out. You're safe.

RE: I like this

I really like the sound of that. I don't think I'd have a problem letting go once I knew it was safe. I hope that makes sense. While I feel I am trustworthy, I'm not the most trusting person (although I do trust you). Plus, I don't like freaking people out.

RE: I like this

this is not going to work unless you first let go. You can always gather them back up later, but you have to let go. I'll soak them up and keep them safe for you

RE: I like this

That's good advice. I'm an expert at holding back a lot of my feelings.

RE: I like this

you just do what you feel

RE: I like this

Wow, I guess I'm the one lacking experience

RE: I like this

Yes, I'd take care of you. When I said I didn't know what I was doing the other day I was lying

RE: I like this

Mmmm.

RE: I like this

A control freak like you saying that? I'm honored. I can do that. I know how.

RE: I like this

No, I'd prefer you taking control.

RE: I like this

yes me and you. But you would put up a fight? Of course you would. OR a fake fight. Either way. :)

RE: I like this

Hmm, control between me and you? If so, I always succumb to you.

If that isn't what you mean, then haha ;)

RE: I like this

No, it would be a struggle for control -- just like now. haha

RE: I like this

The sober girl would never go for it.....lol ;)

You better SLEEP!!

RE: I like this

don't talk about problems. yes I know exactly how it would happen.

RE: I like this

I'd have you spend the day with me in a local hotel. I don't think it'd solve any problems, but I'd love to hold you and kiss you freely without a armrest or leaning uncomfortably. We could talk endlessly and anything else that happened.

RE: I like this

I don't want to sleep. What would you have me do?

RE: I like this

I have the power to grant you those rights :D

You better get some sleep!

RE: I like this

It isn't necessary. Interesting choice of words. but your choice of course i have absolutely noright to tell you what to do. wish I did but I don't.

But maybe if you really want me to, I'll keep that in mind.

RE: I like this

Nah, it isn't necessary with all these crazy people in the world ;)

You can tell me to do whatever.

RE: I like this

if you mean tearing through women, no don't do it not that I have a right to say so but it would matter. I am indeed crazy. I guess doing it woudl give you fodder for writing. is it worth it? I can't tell you though whether to do it. I don't think you're like that.

RE: I like this

I was referring to the stuff in the story, nut.

You are crazy.

RE: I like this

do it, do what?

yes, I'm still drinking

RE: I like this

I like that "You didn't do those things, right?" Hmm, I guess you are still doubting me? ;)

Maybe I should do it, does it matter?

You still drinking?

RE: I like this

It's just fiction, just fiction. You didn't do those things, right? You're so intelligent that you could take things that go through your mind and make them into a fictional story. You don't do them. But you got some of those feelings out on paper. don't say things like that sweetie it's just fiction

RE: I like this

Nope, I'm the youngest ... the accident.

She'd be fine without me, something else would've happened. I wasn't fishing for compliments.

Of course, you got me wondering abuot my story. How could a sweet person write that stuff? Maybe I'm a creep deep down?

RE: I like this

Maybe it's also being the oldest. Wait, are you the oldest? You're so sweet. What would she do without you? I think it's wonderful and she's lucky.

I'll cede some of the worrying to you, but I reserve some for myself

RE: I like this

It was nice to hear the kind words, but I told her to stop because she had already thanked me and sent a card. A car is freedom for a young person -- go wherever you want!!

Funny, I guess my being raised by mom, sister, and grandma has implanted the worrying trait in me. I'm constantly worrying about people. A good example is the previously mentioned niece, I kept worrying because her car kept breaking down and that really isn't good for a young woman to be stranded. Oh well, I guess we can call a draw with respect to our worrying :)

RE: I like this

That's wonderful. The car, I mean. Funny how a material thing can seem so important.

No, I'm the woman. I'm the worrier. It's what we do.

RE: I like this

which part is annoying? sorry

I worry.

RE: I like this

Is this one of your annoying traits? ;)

Don't worry.

RE: I like this

I don't want you to. I don't want you to want to.

RE: I like this

I don't like certain people drinking ... Plus, I've been drinking more lately.

RE: I like this

ok. I guess that's why people keep trying to get me to drink. ;)

You don't like drinking. It's bad.

RE: I like this

Will you stop apologizing? Why would it gross me out? Anyway, it always loosens you up ;)

RE: I like this

Yes, I know you do.

I'm sorry, I've had a couple. I know that probably grosses you out. But you didn't tell me not to drink tonight.

RE: I like this

I'd like to. But seriously, I know what you are saying.

RE: I like this

You get me.

RE: I like this

Yes ;)-

RE: I like this

No, we don't. We are alike. You know it.

RE: I like this

We really need to stop agreeing.

RE: I like this

Yeeeeessssss. I like it too.

I like this

Even those who share the same bed will have different dreams.

RE: Serenity Now!

Maybe, but I don't take it very well.

Hey, you could offer to baby-sit :D

RE: Serenity Now!

I will be there for her. I'll keep trying to talk to her regularly. I just don't want her isolating herself too much when she's down. Feeling that way and having to take care of a baby has got to be so stressful. You give good advice.

RE: Serenity Now!

A move? Oh, I remember you mentioning that a while back.

What should you do? Hmm, I'm not sure I'm one to give advice these days (who knows what I'd tell you to do). Really, she's getting professional help so what is expected of you? You can be a friend and just be there for her.

RE: Serenity Now!

Don't be silly, silly.

I'm speculating, but maybe this TR thing is about a move? I heard something about that awhile back. I'm probably way off. Usually am on this stuff. They're probably all getting a raise and a big screen TV.

Hmm, my friend says her depression is out of control and she is seeing more than one doctor about it. I'm concerned. Plus, she's doing a lot of drinking, which I can attest is sometimes attractive, but not terribly helpful. What should I do?

RE: Serenity Now!

I guess a person who is unfamiliar with the term is even dumber?

Main Entry: mouth breath·er
Pronunciation: -"brE-th&r
Function: noun
: one who habitually inhales and exhales through the mouth rather than through the nose

RE: Serenity Now!

A mouth breather is a stupid person. I'm not exactly sure why.

RE: Serenity Now!

Okay, I'm confused, what's a "mouth breather"?

RE: Serenity Now!

Meeting with HR is never good. Bunch of mouth breathers.

RE: Serenity Now!

I'm gonna put something in the suggestion box about drug testing. It's about time for some of that action.

RE: Serenity Now!

At least you didn't apologize for apologizing.

Well, the coke doesn't help curb that paranoia. They could avoid a layoff and its associated costs with a round of drug tests to trim some staff.

RE: Serenity Now!

Okay, I'll stop.

Looks like our buddy is worried about being laid off. Or maybe about not being laid off. Not sure. But he's a "hard worker."

RE: Serenity Now!

Yes, there are always firsts.

No, my "complaints" comment was not aimed in your direction. And don't apologize, stoppit!

RE: Serenity Now!

First time for everything. :)

Oh, and I did not miss your comment about what complaints you could have.
I'm not sure if I should say "I'm sorry," but I'm sorry for causing you any complaints. Truly.

RE: Serenity Now!

I'm going to save this email, you said I was right :)

RE: Serenity Now!

You're right, I won't talk about Star Wars.

Okay, I got some nicotine. Working its way through my veins...ahhhh

RE: Serenity Now!

I'm on my way ... Hahaha.

Okay, don't start the Star Wars speak again, you already freaked me out once.

RE: Serenity Now!

You might be able to help me relax...if you were here.

On the other hand, anger is the strongest power in the galaxy!!! :) Maybe I should keep it for later. Might need it.

RE: Serenity Now!

I'm thinking the correct response is not "I could help ease that tension"?

From Seinfeld: "... that 'serenity now' thing doesn't work. It just bottles up the anger, and eventually, you blow."

Shall I call bb and get you a fix?

Hang in there, I'd offer to help or something but I'm not sure I am supposed to.

RE: Serenity Now!

OMG, I'm so tense.

There was a TV in the restaurant and he said, "Is that Anne Archer? If so, she hasn't eaten in six months." Or something like that. And then he started on some other actress and I went off. I told him I really didn't want to get into more tearing down of women and I was tired of us having the same conversation over and over. So we argued about whether we've had the conversation over and over and whether he was tearing her down, etc. etc. etc. God, it was stupid. Just like old times. Then we got into this whole frigging thing about Oprah and I am losing my mind.

I need some drinks or something.

RE: Serenity Now!

Me whine? What complaints could I have. My advice is have another drink ;)

So, what was the argument with your bss? Did it involve Madonna or Star Wars?

Serenity Now

So I really, really wanted to go over to the park over lunchtime and walk and be by myself. But I had to go to lunch with people from work. The one lady was literally screaming in my ear, she's so loud, and repeating herself. And I got in a dumb argument with my manager.

My ears hurt and I didn't get my walk and it's beautiful out. Whine, whine.

Do you have any complaints? The window is open!

Sleeping?? I hope you were just tired.

OMG ... Did you see me almost hit that guy last night??? When I turned left, there was a guy crossing the street towards the bookstore and he was dress in all black. I didn't see him until the last minute, I swerved and braked and he jumped and screamed (yes, like a girl).

Good lord, I finished that Barbie doll story. That is some sick shit.

RE: Thoughts

Hmm, I won't answer the first question. These days everything is a sign.

Not real big, I came out about eighty ahead at the end of the day.

RE: Thoughts

Ah, More Than Pretty and Character Builder. Let me guess: the first one is you and the second one is me? haha Is it a sign?

Did you bet big?

RE: Thoughts

Uhm, you didn't comment on the names of my winning horses??

RE: Thoughts

I do. :)

I finally finished War of the Worlds today. Can't wait to discuss the movie.
;)

RE: Thoughts

You say so ;)

RE: Thoughts

Well, when you told me not to, I didn't think I needed to tell you not to. Are you okay? Don't worry. It's going to be allright.

RE: Thoughts

Yeah .. I guess that isn't good, but it wasn't too much.

RE: Thoughts

It was a joke that I was drinking.

You were drinking? At the track???

RE: Thoughts

I can't tell, is that a joke?

Also, is it weird that I'm at the track drinking?

RE: Thoughts

If you say so. :)

It looks like you had a good time at the track. I'm ok, don't worry about me. I only drank one bottle of wine. haha

RE: Thoughts

Stoppit, everything is fine ;)

RE: Thoughts

I won't drink; I don't think I could hold it down.

RE: Thoughts

Well, I know I didn't sleep much - it was a restless sleep and I kept waking up.

I know I needed to hear what you said last night, but I can't remember feeling any worse than when you left and I was alone. It was a weird feeling, I felt like crying but there were no tears. It's hard to have what you want so close, but I do respect your wishes. Truthfully, I think you are one in a million, so finding another is not going to happen and a search would be a waste of time. On the other hand, we'll survive this storm and hopefully continue to be friends.

And, no drinking (for you) today!

Thoughts

It made me a bit sick to my stomach to leave you tonight. I wanted to stay up all night talking. We may still not have come up with any more answers, but it would be fun, anyhow. I do know that you should be with someone who treats you the way you treat me. You should be made to feel special because even though you try to deny it, you're an incredible, patient, caring, loving man. Whether you have that at home, or can regain it, or find it elsewhere, I want you to have it. Okay, I'm going to stop because I'm coming apart.

My brain is jumbled and I don't think I'll sleep much tonight.

RE: Beat you to it

Yes and yes.

RE: Beat you to it

We can meet there at 7:00, Mr. Agreeable. ;)

RE: Beat you to it

Hey, and yes lunch was great (as always).

No, thank you for reading the story. There's a few minor changes and some additional stuff at the end (more being added).

I guess the 8:00 will work, we can meet down there around 7:00 or 7:30?? Whatever works for you ;)

Beat you to it

Thank you for lunch.

Ha! You always thank me first but this time, I beat you to it. It was great to get away and go to lunch with you. And thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing the story. I can't wait to read it again.

There are basically no good movies playing. I guess there's that Crash movie, which might suck, but nothing else really seems worth it. The comedy club has an 8 and a 10:30 show. First show is smoke-free! :) So ... what do you think? Want to try one of those things, or just meet up somewhere else and play it by ear and hang out? Maybe I'll do some more checking and see if something else looks interesting, too.

RE: So?

A'ight, I'll see you at noon.

RE: So?

Eh, you can pick me up. It's cool.

So?

I was going to suggest I pick you up at noon, but I guess that breaks a rule so you tell me what to do.

RE: OMG

Um, I had some relevant dreams as well.

RE: OMG

I was a bit disoriented, but I'm okay now. I had several dreams last night that didn't help.

RE: OMG

Yup.

I went a bit crazy for a few seconds. (Or, crazier, I guess.) I'm ok now, though. How are you today?

RE: OMG

At least he didn't say "I saw you and your husband making out on the steps on that funeral home." ;)

Kinda funny after some of the things we talked about last night, but I'm sure you probably freaked out.

RE: OMG

Why didn't I think of that? He did say he was on his second margarita at the time, so it might have worked...

RE: OMG

You should've said, that wasn't me ;)

RE: OMG

No. I said, that wasn't my husband. He said he was sitting in the upstairs at a restaurant and looking out the window. He looked a little bit confused when I said I was with a friend. He said, oh I've never seen your husband, so I guess I saw you with SOME MAN. Awkward.

RE: OMG

Are you messing with me?

OMG

I come in to work all focused and ready to get stuff done and the first thing a guy says to me is, "I saw you and your husband walking last night."

E: Book series/festival

Alright, I'll send you an email tomorrow to work it out.

RE: Book series/festival

Yeah, I want to have lunch tomorrow. Shouldn't be a problem, I don't think.
I deserve a long lunch, too, since I'm working right now, thanks to Star Wars.

RE: Book series/festival

I was out in the freaking rain, and don't think I didn't think about that missed opportunity.

Hey, I was going to ask if you wanted to have lunch tomorrow. No big deal if you're rather not - or actually busy. My boss is out tomorrow, and I guess I won't be able to take such long lunches (driving downtown) if I get another job.

RE: Book series/festival

Nah, she won't know me.

Ok, the movie is done. Gah, it was boring. There were about three good minutes at the end when Anakin got his butt whooped and he got all crispy and they put him in the Darth Vader suit. That's about it. Then my friend and I went to get sushi and beers and it's RAINING LIKE CRAZY OUT THERE. Dang. Missed opportunity. ;)

RE: Book series/festival

Oh, I was just asking if she'd recognize you.

You getting excited?? Movie time is nearing!!

RE: Book series/festival

I don't really know her. Do you?

RE: Book series/festival

Wednesday works for me.

Lord, you know her?

RE: Book series/festival

Sure, that would be interesting. Maybe Wednesday?

Interesting side point: my co-worker''s wife works on this event.

Book series/festival

Hey,

I forgot to mention this last night. The university's Festival of Contemporary Writing is next week attended a few of the days last year and it was okay. I was thinking about next Tuesday and/or Wednesday (and I'm always open to others), so I wasn't sure if you thought it might be interesting.

RE: Hey

I wonder under what circumstances we'll be reflecting and laughing? Okay, forget that comment.

Yeah, I'm always seeing places through the lens of our going there. And, intense is the right word.

I hope you like the book, I did get kinda paranoid at you seeing my comments so I removed some sticky notes I had on a few pages. Thanks for loaning me the CDs, I'm going to play one in a minute.

Sleep tight :)

RE: Hey

Hi,
Okay, we can do this. You help me and I'll help you. You know, one day, we'll look back and laugh and laugh at ourselves and how silly we were acting. It'll be one more memorable time we shared. It's funny, while were driving around, I was thinking, "we had dinner together there, and we went there together," and on and on. I don't know if it's because our meetings tend to be so full of intense conversation or what, but my memories of them are so vivid. And you know I can't say that about everything.

Hey

I hope you're okay and you get some sleep. I think we can follow our rules without any problems. After all, who better to give it a shot than two such intelligent people??

I consider myself fortunate to have had the chance to get to know you so well. I value every second I am able to spend with you, and I don't want to lose my dearest friend.

RE: Hey

The food sounds good. Hmm, you are becoming a hot tub person -- whatever that means.

Weekend was okay, nothing exciting.

RE: Hey

It was good. Dinner last night. We had Thai food. I made fried rice with pineapple, shrimp, chicken and cashews. It was good and everything else was, too, as usual. It was a very drink-y dinner and then we got in the hot tub. Little much for a Sunday night.

How was yours?

Hey

How was your weekend?

RE: And this

Okay, WOW.

Your writing is great and now my head is spinning trying to think of what the hell I'm doing today. I think I'll go catch a movie or something, I need time to think.

RE: And this

We slammed our car doors shut at the same time, flinging water droplets onto the dash and inside of the windshield. Panting from the run across the parking lot, I laughed, “How does that happen? You go into a movie in the afternoon, and it’s a beautiful, sunshiny day. You come out an hour and a half later to black skies and a thunderstorm!”

“I don’t know, but I love it.”

The husky tenor of his voice made me snap my head to the left. Our eyes locked for a second. I cleared my throat and drew my fingers under my eyes to wipe the moisture and what I figured were some scary mascara rings away.

I started shaking my head side to side like a dog, my soaked hair releasing some of the rain. My heart started to beat a bit more slowly, my breath slowing.

“Don’t do that,” he ordered.

“Well, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to get your interior any more wet than it already is,” I snapped.

“That’s not it.”

I could barely hear him over the rain pounding on the roof of the car. I stared at the sheets running down the windshield for one, two, three slamming heartbeats, then turned toward him again, pushing my hair off my face.

His back was pressed to the car door, his legs rigid. Every part of him was still except his eyes, which flicked back and forth, looking into my right, then my left eye, then down to my lips.

I squirmed onto my side. How was I going to get over the infernal armrest?
As I swung up on one knee, he pushed forward, till I could feel his breath on my face. Gently, I pulled him the last few inches to me. As our lips met, a shiver went through him and his stillness disappeared. Both his hands went to my neck, my face, and he kissed me deeply. His mouth was different from what I had imagined, softer. I mimicked him; wherever he put his hands on me, I did on him, gently scratching the back of his neck with my nails as we explored with our tongues.

I had to get over that damned armrest. “Scooch over this way.”

He shifted his hips toward me and I swung myself over, miraculously just fitting into the available space. The steering wheel jutting into my back, I strained closer.

He clutched my back, chuckling, “This is ridiculous.”

“Yeah … oh crap … ow … my back … completely.” I held his face, kissing his eyes, nose and lips as my hair fell down around us. “It’s just like I imagined it.”

RE: And this

Yeah, but our minds fill in the blanks since we were there. I just don't think the writing/description is any good, but I'm going to keep trying.

And this

She slowly bit her lip while giving a thoughtful glance.

"Will you be mad if I ask you to kiss me?" she finally speaks.

An electric charge surges through my body as I contemplate the question. I feel like responding with a request for forgiveness considering what I want to do with her. My head slowly moves
>side-to-side in disagreement. She smiles with a look of confusion at the response. I gaze into the dark, inviting eyes with sudden paralysis. The mind questions my actions with a struggle ensuing, but I finally manage to move.

My right hand disappears in the dark hair as I lean into her. I cup her head preparing to forcefully answer the question. My calculations go awry as my lips find her chin, but a quick correction and giggle leads to the waiting lips. I tingle as her fingers make their way through my ever-vanishing hair.

It begins with a dry peck to confirm the right location. I feel the warm breath mingle with my own as her lips slowly separate. I tilt my head as our tongues perform the initial introductions while dancing back-and-forth. Our mouths meet and seemingly meld into one. I close my eyes losing myself in her embrace - oblivious to our surroundings while the left hand ventures on his own, discovering other parts of the beautiful body.

I reluctantly end the embrace as we retreat to our corners of the truck's cab. I don't want the moment to end with other parts of my body agreeing. I shift in my seat to conceal the desire. I desperately want to continue the exploration. Our eyes meet, exchanging unspoken words.

"I guess I better be going, " she says with another nibble of the upper lip.

I want to lock the doors, grab her and refuse but I nod fully accepting and acknowledging the statement. We exchange smiles as the door closes. I sit staring as the truck idles - waiting for my return to earth.

RE: And this

Very descriptive ;)

RE: Hey

I was collecting me thoughts so I could drive.

RE: Hey

Yes, I did.

I feel like I need to apologize. You said you'd gotten yourself to a place where we were going to be friends and all that and I didn't respect that. I got overwhelmed and I should have worked harder at controlling it.

I already thought you were amazing, and when you said you wanted me to be happy, it just confirmed it. You seemed much more together and composed than I felt last night. I'm sorry for acting crazy. I guess I need to spend more time collecting my thoughts as well.

Hey

Well, I sat in the parking lot for a while longer to collect my thoughts (and self). I hope you made it home safely.

RE: Don't be scared

Shall we dance :)

That silly phrase is stuck in my head from an show I watched last night. So, you wanna get something to eat? Just tell me where and when.

RE: Don't be scared

I'm free after work. Or any time.

My list

Okay, here's my list of annoying traits to help you to dislike me (that I think and have been told) ....

1. I'm moody
2. I love to talk
3. I often blurt out what I'm thinking
4. I'm a neat freak
5. I often go days without shaving (my face)
6. I often crack up at things I'm watching and beg others by saying "you gotta see this"
7. I drive like a maniac
8. I snore way too loud
9. I like to hog the bed (but a king size mattress seems to cure this)
10. I'm generous to the point of others seemingly taking advantage of me
11. I can be obsessive; this especially causes trouble with projects (like home stuff) where I just have to finish it
12. I change jobs way too often
13. I like to be left alone
14. Hate to be constantly touched, but I'll constantly touch others
15. Like to be in control (see #14)
16. I'm very tight about spending money. This clashes with #10 but may be in line with #15.
17. I'm never satisfied
18. I'm way too negative
19. Think too much
20. Easily bored

One surprising thing is that I love shaving women's legs, so that solves one of your problems ... just kidding ;)

RE: Don't be scared

The only thing that scares me is when you say "if" you see me again.

Don't be scared

Okay, I thought my including that line with "love" in it may freak you out. It is just a quote, but I can't remember the whole thing.

RE: I have an idea

You're a nut.

I think quite a few of those things are just being a woman. And, you don't think I know you can be annoying ;)

You don't love someone because they are perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.

I have an idea

So, what if I made you aware of a whole bunch of annoying things about me?
And you could even imagine me doing other things that really, really annoy you, because chances are I do those too. I'm a very annoying person. It'll take the shine off, I bet. This could work!

For instance, did you know I:

Let the gas go to E before refilling it
Always have dog hair all over my clothes
Am a slob -- I hate to clean!
Fill up all the drawers and cabinets in the bathroom with my crap so nobody else can have any room for theirs
Get really whiney when I'm tired, bored or hungry
Spend too much money on stupid shit like lip gloss
Take all the covers
Have a disturbing amount of jewelry -- and want more
Hate sports -- I really don't get it and I say so while someone else is trying to enjoy watching sports
Am late half the time
Don't allow a TV in the bedroom
Have to read all the newspaper sections first when they're fresh
Wait way, way too long between times shaving my legs
Avoid showering on the weekends -- we're talking downright rank sometimes
Have coffee breath

This is off the top of my head.

Are you annoyed yet?

RE: Thanks

Anger isn't always bad if it is properly channeled. I know I've been more productive this week.

My first response to this email was to say you could fix it, but that isn't true. There really isn't anything to fix, we live and we learn. I feel like I had a peek at something great, and I'm not sure what to do with that knowledge. As the old saying goes, what doesn't kills us makes us stronger -- or something like that. Geez, I guess I'm full of clichés.

I'm fine, we're fine, and, well I won't speak for you.

RE: Thanks

I know I can't stop you from being angry at all, but, god, I wish I could.

RE: Thanks

I'm not angry with you.

RE: Thanks

Okay, you are angry. And it's mixed with a lot of other emotions. But please at least consider not pushing me all the way away. Please.

RE: Thanks

It's funny, I had some time where I seemed to relax and not fear consequences. But, it was just my foolishness getting the best of me. My unrelenting anger has returned and turned inward, so who knows where that'll lead. I do know that I disagree with you about being more open - people need to be kept at a distance.

Yes, it is naïve to think nobody will get hurt. It just isn't possible.

RE: Thanks

It truly hurts my heart to think that you feel ripped open, even if you feel you did it to yourself. But maybe it's a good thing as well. Some people never let themselves really feel anything and that's no way to live life.
I'm happy that I got in. When you said you didn't know how I'd done it, since you worked at keeping people out, it gave me such a rush. Even if you tell me you never want to see me again, I'll always know that I got inside and changed you.

For myself, I have learned something -- not sure exactly what it is yet, entirely -- in the last few weeks. Maybe it's that I need to be more open to people and to expressing myself. You never know what can happen when you do, right? And I guess I still feel there's so much more to say. Could be painful, could be beautiful. But I really meant it when I said I didn't want to hurt anyone. Yes, I know that's naive.

If you don't want to see me for awhile, I understand. I hope you don't mean for good? I like to think that you'll want to discuss your thoughts and plans with me. But whatever you decide is how it'll be. You offered the same to me. I want you to have the clarity to make the decisions you are trying to make.

"It's a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand."
Madeleine L'Engle

RE: Thanks

I guess the "annoy" jab is a reference to our conversation at the picnic table? Nah, I'm not annoyed, I met a buddy at the Bats game. The conversation wasn't as good as yours, but the weather was great. By the way, I wasn't implying we sneak around - I would've said I was going to the movie just like last week. It's funny, I know we've joked about it but I haven't had to lie. Maybe that isn't funny but just scary? Also, I wasn't thinking of going to the movie tonight.

I walked down by the river (yes, again) after the game, and my mind was roaring. Yeah, I know, we've been through all of this. I've been so caught up with worrying about freaking you out or pushing you into something that I guess I kinda forgot about me.

I was a fool to open up by confessing my feelings to you, so I apologize again. I feel like I've been ripped open (by myself) and I'm not sure if I (or we) can go back. There's a silly quote in Everything Changes that says "A man's two great loves should be his woman and his work." and I'm not sure if I'm fulfilling either. I think you are the greatest, but I realize friendship is the beginning and end. It has opened my mind to wondering (in addition to the fantasizing). I know I'll never find anyone like you, but maybe such a connection is possible with somebody else - discuss life, books, films, and so on. Or, maybe it's right in front of me and I'm a bigger fool than I realize. Can one person be everything to another?

On the job front, I've been screwing off for far too long. I don't just dislike my job but the actual career. A further investigation of the offer seems like the same old thing, so staying where I'm at to figure things out may be best. I will take some classes and get going with some other stuff. I never stop thinking, so hopefully the light will finally go off. Maybe the mysticism will pay off as well.

I respect and admire you more than you can ever know. You shouldn't beat yourself up by thinking you are a hypocrite, life is not static - we learn and grow as we mature. I'm sure we'll learn from recent events. Maybe you were right to suggest a cooling off period - who knows how long it'll take. Time will not alter my opinion of you, but maybe it'll clear the mind. I'm sure we'll both survive and move on with our lives. Hopefully, the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is not universal. At least I know "out of sight, out of mind" isn't true.

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." - Victor Frankl

RE: Thanks

Thanks for not cancelling. I suppose that would have freaked me out, as well. I'm glad I got to see you. It went by too fast.

I know I mentioned this evening. I'm going to stay home. If that annoys you, I'm sorry. But I'm hoping it'll make you respect me. I can't feel like I am sneaking around.

I'm still your magician.

Thanks

I wish all of my lunches could be so nice, thanks again for the food and great company. I felt like I was stabbed when you became angry at the table, I really didn't express myself very well :(

It's funny, I wanted to lean over and kiss you as we swayed back and forth on the swing. But, I do understand the rules and I'll abide by them. I don't want to lose my confidant, my sounding board, my magician :)

Good luck with the interview!

Oh yeah, I know you want to keep your distance, but (there's always a but) I wanted to see a movie. Let me know if you have any interest. I'm usually free, but I do have plans tomorrow night.

RE: Quick story explanation

I can pick you up and we can drive down to the waterfront or somewhere down there. I'll be there about 12:15. These are the times when I need a cell phone. I guess we can play pope - if I see black smoke I'll know you cancelled :)

RE: Quick story explanation

I have to go into a meeting at 11 and it is scheduled until 12. It's possible it'll go over, but I doubt it. So I'll plan on 12 or a bit after.

Right now, it's not raining. Still want to meet in the park? Want to meet me by that sculpture?

RE: Quick explanation

I can pick you up and we can drive down to the waterfront or somewhere down there. I'll be there about 12:15. These are the times when I need a cell phone. I guess we can play pope - if I see black smoke I'll know you cancelled :)

> I have to go into a meeting at 11 and it is scheduled until 12. It's possible
> it'll go over, but I doubt it. So I'll plan on 12 or a bit after.
>
> Right now, it's not raining. Still want to meet in the park? There's a huge metal
> sculpture in the park, directly between the river and that new stair-stepped condo
> building by the ballpark. Want to meet me by that sculpture?

RE: Quick explanation

Geez, I'm still sitting here working .. yep, making up for last week.

Oh, I was just joking.

So, you didn't get anything? Tell me what kinda of fruit and cheese you like and I'll bring it.

> Sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
>
> So do I need to bring anything?

RE: Quick explanation

You ask 'for lunch?' ... are you messing with me?

Okay, I'll bring some water and something else.

>For lunch? How about some fruit and cheese? Or I'll bring it. I have to go the >store. I don't have any food in the house.

RE: Quick explanation

Hmm, I'm not sure, what do you want? I really don't have anything here that I could fix/bring ... Hmmm.

> Okay, we could go to the park.
>
> What are you gonna bring me???

RE: Quick explanation

Wow :)

Well, I could bring something and we could go to the park. I'm trying to maximize my time.

Yeah, I could use something to help me relax as well.

> Yes you will. ;)
>
> We'll figure out the details later.
>
> I'm going to go to yoga and TRY to relax and be bendy. :)

RE: Quick explanation

Hmmm, lunch, such a short time but I take what I can get ;)

>I really stayed away for a long time, huh? Let's meet for lunch.

RE: Quick explanation

I'll tell you when I see you.

I'll meet you now, later, tomorrow, whenever ... okay, I guess I shouldn't have said that. Anyway, that is a yes and don't be worried ;)

>I want to know what scene you were thinking of.
>
>Okay, I was thinking you might meet me one day this week. Tomorrow?

RE: Quick explanation

Nah, your answers are never wrong ... oh wait, I do remember one time .. okay ALMOST never wrong :)

Nope, that isn't the scene I was talking about but I like it too (I had forgotten).

Yeah, I'm anxious to discuss it to, but I'm afraid to ask about your schedule. I'm sure you are busy, so maybe lunch one day or whatever.

>Ok, now I feel like I'm taking a test and I might get the answer wrong. :)
>
>Also, the picture got pixillated during the scene I'm thinking of so I couldn't >catch every word. But are you referring to when she was saying that they used to >sit on the couch and do their laundry and it sounds boring, and it was boring, but >it was fun? The whole premise of the movie was very interesting, especially, of >course, because it was the woman who started the experiment. Ok, now I really want >to talk to you about it!
>

RE: Quick explanation

Well, I'm like the troops and you are the general ... awaiting orders. Okay, now I'm laughing.

I am surprised that you watched it. I look forward to discussing it, because I've found nobody who has seen it unless I loaned it to them. The few I loaned it to think I condoned the whole movie theme, but really I watched it as a comedy and there are a few scenes that cracked me up. Did you catch the really sad moment/scene? Oh well, we can discuss it whenever.

> I like hearing that I am in charge. I think.
>
> Yes, I watched it. I liked it. Are you surprised? But, yes, we'll discuss.

RE: File this under e-mails you're not supposed to send

Mmmm, yep, you are are always providing thoughtful insight. Okay, I'll stop.

>> Yeah, it gave me a shivery feeling when I read it. Like anyone has the potential to make something beautiful out of what nobody else notices.

RE: Something to read

Uh oh, why is nut in capital letters? I guess I can respond that it takes one to know one :D

No, it is not a cautionary tale -- don't be silly. It is another story that actually happened (most of it).

>> You are a NUT! A funny nut. Is this a cautionary tale? I'm going to have to go back and read this again.

RE: Quick story explanation

Geez, I'm still sitting here working .. yep, making up for last week.

Oh, I was just joking.

So, you didn't get anything? Tell me what kinda of fruit and cheese you like and I'll bring it.

RE: Quick story explanation

Sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

So do I need to bring anything?

RE: Quick story explanation

You ask 'for lunch?' ... are you messing with me?

Okay, I'll bring some water and something else.

RE: Quick story explanation

For lunch? How about some fruit and cheese? Or I'll bring it. I have to go the store. I don't have any food in the house.

RE: Quick story explanation

Yes you will. ;)

We'll figure out the details later.

I'm going to go to yoga and TRY to relax and be bendy. :)

RE: Quick story explanation

Hmm, I'm not sure, what do you want? I really don't have anything here that I could fix/bring ... Hmmm.

RE: Quick story explanation

Okay, we could go to the park.

What are you gonna bring me???

RE: Quick story explanation

Wow :)

Well, I could bring something and we could go to the park. I'm trying to maximize my time.

Yeah, I could use something to help me relax as well.

RE: Quick story explanation

Hmmm, lunch, such a short time but I take what I can get ;)

RE: Quick story explanation

I really stayed away for a long time, huh? Let's meet for lunch.

RE: Quick story explanation

I'll tell you when I see you.

I'll meet you now, later, tomorrow, whenever ... okay, I guess I shouldn't have said that. Anyway, that is a yes and don't be worried ;)

RE: Quick story explanation

I want to know what scene you were thinking of.

Okay, I was thinking you might meet me one day this week. Tomorrow?

RE: Quick story explanation

Ok, now I feel like I'm taking a test and I might get the answer wrong. :)

Also, the picture got pixillated during the scene I'm thinking of so I couldn't catch every word. But are you referring to when she was saying that they used to sit on the couch and do their laundry and it sounds boring, and it was boring, but it was fun? The whole premise of the movie was very interesting, especially, of course, because it was the woman who started the experiment. Ok, now I really want to talk to you about it!

RE: Quick story explanation

Well, I'm like the troops and you are the general ... awaiting orders. Okay, now I'm laughing.

I am surprised that you watched it. I look forward to discussing it, because I've found nobody who has seen it unless I loaned it to them. The few I loaned it to think I condoned the whole movie theme, but really I watched it as a comedy and there are a few scenes that cracked me up. Did you catch the really sad moment/scene? Oh well, we can discuss it whenever.

RE: Quick story explanation

I like hearing that I am in charge. I think.

Yes, I watched it. I liked it. Are you surprised? But, yes, we'll discuss.

RE: Quick story explanation

That's too funny. What a strange experience.

Buddy, you owe me some gambling winnings, so don't think you're not gonna see me! Plus, I need to give you back your comedy CDs, and the movie (I watched it) and some books... there are lots of reasons.

Quick story explanation

Okay, I just remembered that I won't get the opportunity to see you anytime soon :(

So, the quick explanation on that story is that I actually did run into my sister's ex-best friend on Saturday at Kroger. And yes, all of the physical descriptions are true (before and after). The conversation is pretty much on target as well - she's turned into a nut. Really, the only part I made up were the names, the Lexus (wink), and the ice cream.

RE: Something to read

Uh oh, why is nut in capital letters? I guess I can respond that it takes one to know one :D

No, it is not a cautionary tale -- don't be silly. It is another story that actually happened (most of it).

RE: Something to read

You are a NUT! A funny nut. Is this a cautionary tale? I'm going to have to go back and read this again.

Something to read

Did you like my silly story :/

RE: Daft - finished book

The book title? Didn't it come from the song she liked? Oh well, we can discuss whenever you are comfortable/available.

RE: Daft - finished book

Yeah, you can tell he's English. My first question is, why did he give it that title? Anyway, we can discuss. ;)

RE: Quick story explanation

Nah, your answers are never wrong ... oh wait, I do remember one time .. okay ALMOST never wrong :)

Nope, that isn't the scene I was talking about but I like it too (I had forgotten).

Yeah, I'm anxious to discuss it to, but I'm afraid to ask about your schedule. I'm sure you are busy, so maybe lunch one day or whatever.

RE: File this under e-mails you're not supposed to send

Nope, you are always right :)

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. How was the conversation with dad -- stiff??

What goes through a woman's mind? That does sound interesting.

I hope you had a good night as well. Hey, I thought of a new title for my story/

"How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress." -- Niels Bohr

RE: File this under e-mails you're not supposed to send

Ah, I think you mean you don't want to stop them, but I've been drinking and I might be wrong

I'm glad she liked the gift. I talked to my mother. I also talked to my father and he told me some things about her health that she hadn't toldme that are not good. I hope your momis doing well.

I have been reading an old book this weekend and I am really enjoying it.
It is interesting that I picked it up at this time. Some is dated (from the
70s) but a lot of it is still insightful, about what goes through a woman's mind. Either some things are universal or I am projecting myself into the story. I may have to read her other books as well.

RE: File this under e-mails you're not supposed to send

Thank you for the compliment, but I don't think there is anything I can say to calm your nerves or stop the scary thoughts.

I spent this afternoon at my Mom's house for Mother's Day (I gave her that book "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" -- yes I cringed when I bought it but she liked it). My sister was telling a story about some lady with a lot of hair, and of course my thoughts turn to you your beautiful mane. Oops, I guess I wasn't supposed to type that.

Hope all is well :)

RE: File this under e-mails you're not supposed to send

Amazing. You always seem to say the right thing. Scary, really. I keep getting overwhelmed by thoughts and images and it scares me.

Daft - finished book

I finished the Never Let Me Go book, and it was definitely different. I guess we can discuss it whenever. The author used "daft" quite a bit in the book, I guess it is common in England but it kinda distracted me (yeah, I'm weird). Also, the character said the guy looked like he gained a stone -- yeah, I had to look that up to (14 lbs).

Daft - finished book

I finished the Never Let Me Go book, and it was definitely different. I guess we can discuss it whenever. The author used "daft" quite a bit in the book, I guess it is common in England but it kinda distracted me (yeah, I'm weird). Also, the character said the guy looked like he gained a stone -- yeah, I had to look that up to (14 lbs).

File this under e-mails you're not supposed to send

My attempts to think about you less are not working.

RE: File this under e-mails you're not supposed to send

Okay, I'll file this with the ton of email that I haven't sent to you ;)

But seriously, I seem to see you in everything. As I watch something on television I think of telling you, when I read something I think of discussing it with you, and on and on. The first bet I made yesterday was on a horse with a name close to yours.

Last week's kiss was amazing. While I realize it may never happen again, I'll cherish that moment (plus those three nights) forever. How can something blow away the many fantasies I've had about that moment??

"Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases." ~Chinese Proverb

RE: A few thoughts before letting this go

I won't say that it doesn't make me sad, but I do understand. I'll refrain from emailing, IM'ing, or even calling until you feel comfortable. So, just send me an email or whatever when/if that happens.

RE: A few thoughts before letting this go

Listening to those people didn't make me feel any shittier than I already did. You're my friend and you're going to keep being my friend. And I'm going to keep talking to you about things that I want to hear your thoughts on. I might not see you for a little while, though.

A few thoughts before letting this go

I am not going to lump you into a show's topic focusing on unfaithful men. I know we crossed a line last night, and I blame myself knowing your apprehension. While it isn't easy, I think we can take a step back and go no further. Maybe my mind is clouded with emotions, and maybe I'm foolish to think we can stop but I don't want to lose your friendship. I have so many thoughts at the moment - it is hard to express them. I thoroughly enjoyed reading and discussing your story and doing the same with mine. Where else would I get such insight? Hell, I just always enjoy talking with you. I didn't get those feelings/thoughts from that show (their relationships), but I understand if you want me to disappear (forever or just awhile).

RE: I'm sorry

I'm sorry.

Thanks

Okay, now I'm tying the noose, thanks for pointing me to that uplifting Oprah episode.

Thanks for the call

I hope you are able to be somewhat productive.

I'm feeling bad, because I fear I pressured you to do something you didn't want to. I am really sorry, so direct all of your bad thoughts in my direction. It pains me to realize my actions are causing you distress.

RE: Still floating

You're not a bad person!! You're the best, so stop beating yourself over it. Put all the blame on me and throw your anger in my direction. It makes me feel awful to think I've caused you pain, especially when you made me feel so good. If I never have the opportunity to touch you again, I'll always have this week.

I got very little sleep, I was in and out. After saying I rarely have erotic dreams, I had a very powerful dream about you - although it wasn't x-rated. It was one of those dreams that you don't want to stop, where reality is a letdown. I kept thinking I'd call you for lunch or whatever, but I realize my week with you is over.

Yes, work has been painful. You've setup shop in my brain and pushed everything else aside, but I'm sure we'll get through this.

RE: Still floating

I did sleep, but then I woke up. It's been a little adventure this week. I don't know what I'm thinking right now. No, that's not true. I can feel it creeping up on me that I'm a terrible person. I suppose I should go back to bed and see if I can sleep some more. Somehow I have to do a lot of work tomorrow. Quality will suffer, I'm quite sure.

Hope you're sleeping soundly.

Still floating

I am a bit sad to see my three day marathon end, but I feel blessed that you chose to spend it with me. You are a truly remarkable lady who has cast her spell on me -- do with me what you will!

Anyway, kissing you was pure bliss. I didn't want to stop, and the opportunity to have "my way" with your hair was colossal. I can't remember wanting something (you, not the hair although I do love the hair) so much.

I'm sure your emotions are as confused as mine, so don't be afraid to vent in my direction. I do hope you get some sleep.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust

RE: Thanks

No need for you to apologize, I don't need a television show to berate myself.

RE: Thanks

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you to watch Oprah.

RE: Please read it

Ah, you saying that (or typing it) gave me chills :) Okay, I'm a bit silly this afternoon.

You know I'll give you my opinion :)

RE: More thoughts

Or something? Just kidding ;)

I'll see you at Wick's around 6:00. We can eat or change our mind (or yours) at that time.

Now get back to work!!

Please read it

I know my story needs a lot of work, but I wanted to get your thoughts. Please be gentle. :)

RE: More thoughts

I don't remember if you like [pizza[? Want to meet there at 6? I have not gotten any work done today and I need to do some now. There are lots of other places around there, too, or we could go see another movie, or something.

RE: More thoughts

Uhm, many thoughts (just kidding) but whatever you wanna do. As I've said previously, just tell me what to do.

RE: More thoughts

What do you want to do? Actually eat dinner?

RE: More thoughts

Hey, we can meet somewhere in your neck of the woods. Just say when/where.

RE: More thoughts

Oh, maybe I can get that corny response out of you later. :)

I don't feel too bad, really. Just taking advantage of the opportunity not to go into the office, really. The poor dogs spent so many hours home alone yesterday, too, they're about ready to rip my throat out.

RE: More thoughts

Are you feeling worse? Shall I bring you some chicken soup?

I have a corny response to your question of my getting sick, but I'll keep it to myself :)

RE: More thoughts

I'm still free tonight. :)

I'm thinking of working from home today so I don't spread my germs around the office. I hope you don't get sick from being around me.

More thoughts

I hope you made it home with no problems. I had this idiot (him not me) almost hit me as he abruptly changed lanes. Oh well, it startled me out of my deep thoughts :)

It's funny, I always think of more things to say or ask you when I leave. Remind me the next time we meet, I have a few additional comments about tonight's conversation. I know you had said Mon, Tues, Wed earlier in the week - I planned it but, I understand if you are busy or don't feel up to it.

Sleep tight.

RE: Exhale

Thank you for saying that. It's true that I did and didn't want to know how that would feel. I guess I have flashes of anger, but I'll get over it. It's incredible how we talked and talked. It seems we never run out of things to discuss. I hope we never do.

I also don't want to have any big regrets.

Exhale

I hope tonight wasn't too much pressure. Your "press me up against car and run hands through hair" statement was exciting, but I never really had the impression you wanted me to do that. I figured you'd stiff arm me if I ever tried that ;) I never thought sitting and holding a person hand could make me feel so good.

You're a great person. I respect you in so many ways, and I don't want to do anything to lose your friendship. I can't say I regret expressing my true feelings weeks ago, because I didn't want to be wondering "what if" many years from now. I just hope you're not mad or too uncomfortable around me.

RE: Exhale

A'ight, I'll see you then.

RE: Exhale

Yeah, I can make the 5:00 movie, where and when you wanna meet?

RE: Exhale

How about if I meet you at the theater about 4:30?

RE: Exhale

Hey, I feel like leaving now too. I was actually thinking of leaving early.
Maybe I can arrange that and we could catch that 5:00 movie. Is that a possibility for you?

RE: Exhale

Hey,

I hope your day is going well. My lunch interview was unbelievable, but now I wonder if it is too good to be true. I can give you more information later, if you still want to hang out. It's nice outside if you wanna take a walk after work - we could meet at a park (or wherever). I checked the schedule for Chicken Run, but its last run of the day is 5:00.

I feel like taking off now. Anyway, let me know if/when/where you wanna meet.

RE: I'm losing it

You like Michael Jackson (old stuff)?

RE: I'm losing it

You tell me, you're my magician :)

RE: I'm losing it

So I am. How about good old Benjamin Franklin. That guy never shut up.

RE: I'm losing it

You're a nut :)

The quote is "Change is inevitable" .. Real deep huh? Uhm, [the editor] does edit the article but I rarely give them a close review to know what has changed ... I just make sure the general theme(if any) is okay.

RE: I'm losing it

Ah, well, that'll make it through. Still, impressively done. Who'll you quote next?

RE: I'm losing it

Whoa! Over-achiever! Think it'll stay in? Does [your editor] ever take anything out? What is the quote?

I'm losing it

I just managed to work in a Benjamin Disraeli quote in my [article].

RE: A good poem?

In that case, I guess I better not be late ;)

RE: A good poem?

I'm practicing asserting my authority.

K, I will see you there at 5:30.

RE: A good poem?

I "must", aren't you taking your manager role to heart. It sounds like you wanna go to A, so that is fine. I've never been there or G's, so I guess 5:30?

RE: A good poem?

It's not really formal. It's nice.

RE: A good poem?

As usual I'm clueless, but I thought A was kinda formal (I'm probably wrong). We can do that or find somewhere on .... well, wherever.

But, 5:30 works for me.

RE: A good poem?

Ah, okay, I know where it is. You changing your mind? No way!!! :)

Well, just lemme know when and where.

Okay, I'm looking forward to the story.

RE: A good poem?

Well, do you want to go there? Where would you like to go? Pizza? Italian?
I'm open to suggestions. How about 5:30, wherever we go.

RE: A good poem?

Hmmm, I'm not a big fan of the first place (unless you really want to go there) so maybe the other? Of course, I have no idea where it's at.

How's your day going?

RE: A good poem?

We don't have to go there. I think I'm changing my mind ... maybe something more casual. But preferably with a bar.

OMG, my day is going okay, but something just happened with my employee I have to remember to tell you. God.

RE: A good poem?

I was thinking maybe get a bite to eat? What sounds good?

RE: A good poem?

So, what's the plan for tonight? I'm free all night (that didn't sound right), so let me know what you're thinking. Where can we hang out and chit-chat?

RE: A good poem?

I think I can see why you might like this. It's powerful.

A good poem?

Okay, so I stumbled upon a poem that I actually like:

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do - -
determined to save
the only life you could save.